A guy goes up to this girl in a bar and says, "Would you like to dance?" The girl says, "I don't like this song, but even if I did, I wouldn't dance with you." The guy says, "I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants."
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23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday, 5% on Fridays.
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As I was coming back from Canada, I stopped at the border and the guy asked, "Do you have any firearms with you?" I answered, "What do you need?"
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Q. What smells fishy and ends with untA. Rex Hunt
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What do you call a dad that has fallen through the ice? A Popsicle.
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Woodworm strolls into a pub and asks "Is the bar tender here"?
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Q: How many ''pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb? A: 6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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A mother and a her daughter go to a restaurant for breakfast to celebrate her birthday. The restaurant is known for its imported cheeses. The mother asks, "Would you like some cheese, my angel?" The little girl says,"Sure, but can you take out the holes in the cheese?"
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If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
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What do you call an alligator in a vest? An in-vest-igator!
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What do you call an intelligent man in America? A tourist.
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How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? None that's a hardware problem
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How do you confuse a frog? Put it in a round bowl and tell it to take a nap in the corner. How does a frog confuse you? When he comes out and says he needed that nap and feels much better!
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A guy walks in to the Barbershop. Barber says, "What will it be today?" Guy says, "Well, I want it going with my waves on top, faded on one side, plug the other, and just make it all out of shape and messed up." Barber says, "Now why in the world do you want your hair cut like that?" Guy says, "That's how you cut it last time."
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There was a big moron and a little moron, sitting on a ledge. The big moron fell off. Why? Because the little moron was a little more on.
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I'm dyslexic, and attended a conference about the disorder with a friend. The speakers asked us to share a personal experiences with the group. I told them stress aggravates my condition, in which I reverse words and letters when I'm tense. When I finished speaking, my friend leaned over and whispered to me, "Now I know why you named your daughter Hannah."
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What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder? "You may have graduated, but I have several degrees."
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What starts with T, ends with the T and has full of T's? [You must answer it and write it in the comment box!(hehe)]
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My bedroom is so small... The mice are hunchbacked. I shut the door and and the doorknob was in bed with me. I have to go outside to change my mind. If I stand up, I'm on the second floor.
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How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Sixteen. One to screw it in and fifteen to form a support group.
— public joke corpus