Every joke I've kept

Studies show "not jokes" are coming back and are likely to be funnier than ever. Not.

— r/Jokes

"If two wrongs don't make a right, what do two rights make?" An Airplane

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Why does Karl Marx hate earl grey? Because all proper tea is theft.

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- Dad, can I borrow 10 pounds? - 15 pounds? Why do you need 20 pounds?

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How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb? One, or two? Three, or four?

— r/Jokes

Why are New Yorkers so depressed?? Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.

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I'm really pleased with my new fridge magnet. So far I've got eight fridges.

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What do you call a girl who stands in the middle of a tennis court? Annette.

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How are peanut butter and jelly related? They're inbred

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What do you call a snake that's 3.14 metres long? A πthon

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What do you name a tricky pig? Cunningham

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How do you get three old ladies to say the "F" word? Yell "BINGO!"

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What do you have when life gives you melons? Dyslexia.

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How do '90s kids count to 6? Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco, cinco, seis.

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The worst thief ever came to my birthday party today. I mean, I've seen other thieves, but this one took the cake.

— r/Jokes

I think I was Italian, in a pasta life.

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If you find it hard to take pictures of yourself in the sauna... You have selfie-steam issues.

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Did you hear about the cowboy who wore a hat made of paper towels? He had a bounty on his head.

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I've started a business building yachts in my attic. Sails are going through the roof!

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Haven't worn a bra in 4 days.... I love being a man

— r/Jokes