In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite.
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Sign at an office kitchen: After the tea break, the staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the drain-board.
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Why don't elephants smoke? Their butts don't fit in the ash tray
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I had four cappuccinos at one time. I was bouncing off the walls. Good thing they were padded.
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Why was everyone at the fancy King Crab Night Diner arrested? They were breaking the claw! So punny!
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What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
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Did you hear about the fight at the seafood grill last night? (no) Well, the fish got battered!!
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Vice Presidents and personnel directors of the one hundred largest corporations were asked to describe their most unusual experience interviewing prospective employees.
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Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up? Because DEC 25 = OCT 31
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What is a tornado's favorite game to play? Twister!
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It was graduation day and Mom was trying to take a picture of their son in a cap and gown, posed with his father."Let's try to make this look natural," she said. "Junior, put your arm around your dad's shoulder."The father answered, "If you want it to look natural, why not have him put his hand in my pocket?"
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Your so boring, if you threw a boomerang, it wouldn't come back to you.
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How do you steal a coat? You jacket.
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How can you tell if a mathematician is an extrovert? He looks at *your* shoes when he talks to you.
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On the first day of her vacation, a woman fell and broke her leg. As the doctor examined her, she moaned, "Why couldn't this have happened on my last day of skiing?" He looked up. "This IS your last day of skiing."
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Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
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Do I enjoy making courthouse puns? Guilty
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Laughter is like changing a baby's diaper... It doesn't permanently solve any problems, but it makes things more acceptable for a while!
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Two friends, who haven't met for a couple of years, are catching up with each other's news. One says, "And then the doctor said he'd have me back on my feet in a fortnight!" His pal says, "Well, did he?" "He sure did, I had to sell my car to pay him!"
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Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers. - Socrates (470 - 399 BC)
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