Sometimes I think I'm stupid... until I met George W. Bush. Now I feel like the smartest man in the world.
— public joke corpus
Every joke I've kept
Surf instead →allmisc 970one-liners 644classic 417general 345animal 309puns 270children 220light-bulbs 191knock-knock 91at-work 63medical 61programming 59sports 49bar 45tech 42college 28blonde-jokes 23men 19family-parents 18computers 15women 15heaven-and-hell 11crazy-jokes 9business 8deep-thoughts 8military 8holidays 7science 7one-liner 6police-jokes 6money 5school 4bar-jokes 3food-jokes 3idiots 3ocean 3blind-jokes 2dad 2ethnic-jokes 2farmers 2math 2music 2office-jokes 2old-age 2state-jokes 1
What did Michael Jackson name his denim store? Billy Jeans!
— public joke corpus
Q: How many believable, competent, "just right for the job" presidential candidates does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
— public joke corpus
What do birds give out on Halloween? Tweets.
— public joke corpus
Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools!
— public joke corpus
What is black and red? An ape going down a hill!
— public joke corpus
Why was Johnny's math book sad? It had too many problems!
— public joke corpus
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
— public joke corpus
Teacher: Alvin, how many letters are in the alphabet? Alvin: 18. Teacher: Wrong, there are 26. Alvin: No, teacher, there used to be 26, but ET went home in a UFO and the CIA went after him.
— public joke corpus
Q: How many aerobics instructors does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: Five. Four to do it in perfect synchrony and one to stand there going "To the left, and to the left, and to the left, and to the left, and take it out, and put it down, and pick it up, and put it in, and to the right, and to the right, and to the right, and to the right..."
— public joke corpus
It's only funny until someone gets hurt... Then it's hilarious!
— public joke corpus
What kind of key can't open a door. A monkey
— public joke corpus
"The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it."
— public joke corpus
I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?" She hit me.
— public joke corpus
Why are golf balls small and white? Because if they were big and grey they would be elephants.
— public joke corpus
Why do choirs keep buckets handy? So they can carry their tune
— public joke corpus
Two eggs were in a pan of boiling water. One egg says, "Phew, it's hot in here!" The other egg replies, "Wait till we get out of here, they smash your head in!"
— public joke corpus
How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: 8 men, One to get off the couch, One to find a lightbulb, One to find a ladder, One to screw it in, One to shock himself and shock everyone around, One to call a docter, One to find out that it wasn't out, the switch was off, and finally, one to sit back in laugh!
— public joke corpus
Here is a fragment of a crossword puzzle. Note that this crossword puzzle contains abbreviations and acronyms. S O _ Clue: An insult related to a female animal. Answer: Sow.
— public joke corpus
Did you know they have Knight Rider in the GDR? It's a Trabant with a pocket calculator!
— public joke corpus