Every joke I've kept

You don't have to go faster than the bear, you just have to go faster than the slowest guy running from the bear.

— public joke corpus

A woman answered her front door and found Little Johnny and Billy holding a list. "Lady," Johnny explained, "we're on a scavenger hunt, and we still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper to earn a dollar." "Wow," the woman replied. "Who sent you on such a challenging hunt?" "Our baby-sitter's boyfriend."

— public joke corpus

Q: How many Taoists does it take to change a light bulb? A: You cannot change a light bulb. By its nature it will go out again.

— public joke corpus

What is a pirate's favourite branch of the military? The Arrrmy... no, the Navy, he's a pirate!

— public joke corpus

Why do you go to a black person's yard sale? To get your stuff back!

— public joke corpus

I have a machine which has four cog wheels in constant mesh. The largest cog has 72 teeth and the others have 36, 25 and 15 respectively. How many revolutions must the largest cog make before each of the cogs is back in its starting position? 25 revolutions.

— public joke corpus

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?" Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"

— public joke corpus

ok, If the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the Jags, and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers known as Bucs, what does that make the Tennessee Titans?

— public joke corpus

Two five year-olds, one Jewish, the other Catholic, are playing in a sandpit. Sean says to David, "Our priest knows more about things than your rabbi!" To which David replies, "Of course he does, you tell him everything."

— public joke corpus

After examining his patient, he informed Mr. Jones, "I'm afraid you only have two months left to live. Do you have any requests?""Yes, I'd like a second opinion. ""Fine. I also think you're ugly as sin. "

— public joke corpus

Q: How long will it take for a field service engineer to change two dead bulbs? A: They replace your fuse box.

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Why are football stadiums so cool? Because every seat has a fan in it.

— public joke corpus

After picking up food for his daughter's cat, George spied a new bowl for the pet and grabbed it too. "Shall I have the cat's name written on the side of the bowl?" offered the store owner. "No, don't bother," replied George. "He can't read anyway."

— public joke corpus

A guy went into a bookshop and asked the salesgirl if she had a book called, "How to Master Your Wife."The salesgirl said, "Our science fiction section is upstairs."

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If you are in darkness, then pray to God. If you are still in darkness, then go and pay your electricity bill......

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Did you hear about the two peanuts who got mugged on their walk down the street? They were assaulted

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Jack: Why did you name your pig Paris Hilton? Jill: She's always trying to hog up all the attention.

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The chance of forgetting something is directly proportional to...to...uhh...

— public joke corpus

What do call a crying alien baby? An Unidentifyed Crying Object!

— public joke corpus

What do you call a group of Jew baritones and sopranos singing? Soap opera.

— public joke corpus