Every joke I've kept

Why did Julie lose the race? Because Jodie won!

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With over %d jokes submitted and ranked by users like you, Wocka has the largest collection anywhere on the internet. All of these jokes have been submitted by user like you. Join our community and chat with your fellow commedians and jokers.

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So ya know, I've been taking these kung-fu classes lately. I must say,they are great. Teach you how to be as powerful as a tiger, as quick as a monkey, as smart as a dragon. Why just the other day, these guys came up to me with a knife and demanded money. So, I turned into a chicken and ran!

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What do you call a careful wolf? Aware wolf.

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"Dad, can I have the car keys?" "Ok, but don't lose them. We will get the car in just seven years!"

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What's the difference between a guitar and a fish? You can tune a guitar but you can't "tuna"fish!

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Why did Humpty dumpty go to the shrink? Cause he was half cracked.

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Teacher: "Johnny, what is the outside of a tree called?" Johnny: "I don't know." Teacher: "Bark, Johnny, bark." Johnny: "Bow, wow, wow!"

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Q: What's green, has 3 eyes, sharp teeth, and blood on its face? A: I don't know, but it's on your shoulder!

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Thor: The Scandinavian god of acheth and painth.

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Q: Which sea animal is very grumpy? A: The crab!

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Q: How many US Presidents does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None, the constitution says that only Congress can screw in light bulbs, so only Congress is responsible for the dark, which is why we need a Constitutional amendment. A: Only one. If he can handle 250,000,000 people a day I think he can handle screwing one extra light bulb.

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Mother to teenage daughter: "The bad news is, we're moving to a different city. The good news is, your new school is full of boys who didn't see you get sick in the cafeteria last month."

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If you fall down a bottomless pit... do you eventually die of starvation?

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Grey hair is hereditary - you get it from your kids.

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Earth Worm: Oh, I wish that darn evil Mister Barney hadn't chopped my brother into two sections! Other Earth Worm: Why? Earth Worm: Because, now I have two half brothers!

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I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"

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Two carrots are walking down the street one day when a car suddenly comes flying around the corner and runs one of them over. At the hospital, the doctor says to the other carrot, "I have good news and bad news. The good news is your friend is going to live. The bad news is he'll be a vegetable for the rest of his life."

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Q: How many Liberal Democrats does it take to change a light bulb ? A: None. "Well it's not really a question of should we change it or should we not change the light bulb, but more a question of...(blah blah waffle)"

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Knock Knock Who's there? Doris Doris who? Door is shut thats why i knocked!

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