Every joke I've kept

Knock-Knock Why are you knocking? I've got a doorbell

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Q: What do you call a woman with half a brain? A: Gifted

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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? At the bottom!

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Q: How do you keep a cheepskate busy? A: Put him or her in a round room and tell them that you droped a $20 bill in the corner.

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What was the elephant doing on the highway? About 5 mph

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Knock-Knock, Who's there? Alarm. Alarm who? Alarm the cops about all the partying I've been having!!

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If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife/girlfriend told you to do it?

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A husband and wife entered the dentist's office. The husband said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible.""You're a brave man," said the dentist. "Now, show me which tooth it is."The husband turns to his wife and says, "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."

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Every time I hear the dirty word "Exercise", I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

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Q:What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?A:A quater-pounder with cheese.

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Conserve water and electricity, shower with a steamy hot friend.

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Children in the back of the car cause accidents. Accidents in the back of the car cause children

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Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the kitchen? A: That's the proper place to wash vegetables.

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What do you call a dictionary on drugs? High definition.

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3 year old kid: "Guess what? Daddy got you a pway-station!" 7 year old kid: "Really??!! Where is it?" 3 year old: "It's in p-one mile!"

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Two men were fishing in a pond one day and all of a sudden a funeral recession went by. One of the men stood up, took off his hat and stood there until it went completely by. The other guy said "You know that was really descent of you to do that". So the other guy said "Yeh, its the least I could do, after all I've been married to the woman for 30 years".

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It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in timesheets that specify large amounts of "Miscellaneous Unproductive Time" (Code 5309). However, we need to know exactly what you are doing during your unproductive time.

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Two contracters were building a house. While they were sawing a board, the saw slipped and cut of one of the contracter's ears off. They were looking through the sawdust and one contracter came up with the ear. He asked his co-worker, "Is this it?" The other one said "No, mine had a pencil behind it!"

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Did you hear about the Mexican train killer? He had loco motives

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Q: Why did the Iraqi chicken cross the road? A: To take over the other side.

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