Every joke I've kept

How do you confuse a frog? Put it in a round bowl and tell it to take a nap in the corner. How does a frog confuse you? When he comes out and says he needed that nap and feels much better!

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A guy walks in to the Barbershop. Barber says, "What will it be today?" Guy says, "Well, I want it going with my waves on top, faded on one side, plug the other, and just make it all out of shape and messed up." Barber says, "Now why in the world do you want your hair cut like that?" Guy says, "That's how you cut it last time."

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There was a big moron and a little moron, sitting on a ledge. The big moron fell off. Why? Because the little moron was a little more on.

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I'm dyslexic, and attended a conference about the disorder with a friend. The speakers asked us to share a personal experiences with the group. I told them stress aggravates my condition, in which I reverse words and letters when I'm tense. When I finished speaking, my friend leaned over and whispered to me, "Now I know why you named your daughter Hannah."

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What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder? "You may have graduated, but I have several degrees."

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What starts with T, ends with the T and has full of T's? [You must answer it and write it in the comment box!(hehe)]

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My bedroom is so small... The mice are hunchbacked. I shut the door and and the doorknob was in bed with me. I have to go outside to change my mind. If I stand up, I'm on the second floor.

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How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Sixteen. One to screw it in and fifteen to form a support group.

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What was the female math book that lived underwater wearing? An algae-bra

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So, this guy walks into a bar. And says, "ouch".

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Don't drink and drive, you'll spill your beer.

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What do you get if you cross a rhino and and elephant? Elepf-ino (pronounced "Hell if I know")

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Boy: Will you marry me? Girl: Are you kidding? You're a geek while I need a man with a big bank account and a nice house! Boy: I have 1000 GBs in the cloud. Girl: Come on, that won't even buy us a cabin in Texas! Boy: You don't know sh*t, my EC2 account can buy a farm in New York if you wish!

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The computer, the greatest invention in life even though it's bad for you.

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So, what did one Bowling pin say to the other Bowling pin? ............................ Hey, you're a knock out!

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You know your church is a redneck church if baptism is referred to as Branding.

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What do you get when you mix cigarettes in hot water? A soggy butt.

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What do you say to a person who says that they are going to tell on you? You say: Too late, I already told.

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This really happened (honest!) A bunch of very young girls arrived at our door at Halloween. My Mum, being friendly, asked them whereabouts they lived, because she hadn't seen them before. They replied, "We live quite near here, where do you live?"

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Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honey combs!

— public joke corpus