Every joke I've kept

What do you call a crowd of chess players bragging about their wins in a hotel lobby? Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

— public joke corpus

Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"

— public joke corpus

What does the turtle do in the Olympics? The hurdle run!

— public joke corpus

The can was invented quite a while before the can opener.

— public joke corpus

How do locomotives know where they're going? Lots of training

— public joke corpus

Molly wrote a letter to Santa Claus one day. Dear Santa, Please give me a Workout Barbie and a new milkman because he is sleeping with Mommy. Love, Molly

— public joke corpus

A gazelle goes out for her usual afternoon walk. About an hour later, she realizes that she is lost out in the open. Unskilled in the ways of the real world, she asks a cheetah, "Excuse me sir, do you know what time it is?" With a grin, the cheetah said, "It's lunchtime."

— public joke corpus

knock knock! whose there? yer mom oh come in!

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Why did the lightbulb fail his test? He wasnt bright enough!

— public joke corpus

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from KFC

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Joseph, Mary and their son were doing chores around their home in Nazareth when suddenly, Jesus ran outside to Joseph, and asked, "Did you call me?" "No, I'm sorry," Joseph replied, "I just hit my thumb with the hammer again."

— public joke corpus

Wear tank tops and support your right to bare arms.

— public joke corpus

A complex is a phobia. A complex is a large building. A complex is another word for complicated. So if you have a phobia about complicated large buildings, you might be said to have a complex complex complex.

— public joke corpus

I used facebook for a few days and got addicted to it. I've been studying since I was 6. Why the hell am I not addicted to it?

— public joke corpus

Knock, knock! Who's there? Sobers. Sobers who? Sau baras se khatkhata rahen hain, Ab to darwazaa kholo.

— public joke corpus

Why does Norway have barcodes on their battleships? So when they get back to port, they can Scandinavian.

— public joke corpus

The other day I went to a zoo, but the only animal there was a dog. It was a shihtzu.

— public joke corpus

What do you call a singing Laptop? A Dell

— public joke corpus

Two men were sitting in a bar.One man turned to the other and said,"I slept with your mother!"The other man ignored him.A few moments later the man said, more forcefully this time, "I slept with your mother!!"The other turned to him and replied,"Go home Dad, you've had too much to drink."

— public joke corpus

A very homely person made an appointment with a psychiatrist. The homely person walked into the doctor's office and said, "Doctor, I'm so depressed and lonely. I don't have any friends, no one will come near me, and everybody laughs at me. Can you help me accept my ugliness?" "I'm sure I can." the psychiatrist replied. "Just go over and lie face down on that couch."

— public joke corpus