Every joke I've kept

The one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt the one who is doing it.

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What kind of award did the dentist receive? A little plaque.

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What animal is always at a game of cricket? A bat.

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In this age of political correctness we must reajust our terms. People are no longer concidered gay, here are two better options: Good: A wanabe transvestite Best: Heterosexually challenged.

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Knock, knock. Who's there? Isabel. Isabel who? Is-a-bel ringing? I thought I heard one.

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Two friends were out drinking when suddenly one lurched backward off his barstool and lay motionless on the floor. "One thing about my buddy, here," the other man said proudly to the bartender, "Nobody can say he doesn't know when to stop!"-*-Q: What two, 4-letter words do men hate?A: Don't and stop... unless used together.

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How come people are willing to get up off their butts to search the whole room for the remote, because they refuse to get up and change channels manually?

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This really happened (honest!) A man was receiving death threats from another man, so he took him to court. The judge threw the case out on the basis that "the threats obviously hadn't been carried out." Really, how stupid can you get?

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I failed my driver's test. The guy asked me "What do you do at a red light?" I said, "I don't know... look around, listen to the radio...

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Two cows are talking in a field, the first cow says "How about that mad cow disease?" The second cow replies "I wouldnt know I'm a helicopter."

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What's the best thing about elevator jokes? They work on so many levels.

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John always bullied Pat, so Pat invited him to the meat factory. The next day, on the menu at McDonalds, there was a new thing called: Bully Big Mac, and John french fries.

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Why are New Yorkers always depressed? Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.

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Rap is to music as Etch-A-Sketch is to fine art.

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What if there were no hypothetical questions?Why does the word 'monosyllabic' have so many syllables?

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Q: How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb??A: 2, but don't ask me how they got in there!!

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This big-time rancher from Texas met a Missouri farmer on a business trip. The Texas rancher bragged, "I can get in my truck, drive all day, and never cross the boundary of my ranch!" "Yep," replied the little Missouri farmer, "I had a truck like that once, too."

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Q)what do you call a polar bear in the jungle? A)lost!

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Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears? No, how was that? He had a right ear,a left ear,and a wild frontier.

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Don't argue with an idiot. He may be doing the same thing.

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