My memory has gotten so bad it has actually caused me to lose my job. I'm still employed. I just can't remember where.
— onelinefun.com
Every joke I've kept
Surf instead →allone-liners 4222misc 1013animal 458classic 417general 345puns 264children 219at-work 211light-bulbs 191sports 153food 126programming 121money 100knock-knock 91medical 76science 55math 48bar 41music 41tech 40college 26family-parents 18men 18blonde-jokes 15computers 10crazy-jokes 9heaven-and-hell 9business 7deep-thoughts 7military 6one-liner 6women 6holidays 5police-jokes 5bar-jokes 3food-jokes 3idiots 3blind-jokes 2dad 2ethnic-jokes 2farmers 2ocean 2office-jokes 2old-age 2school 2state-jokes 1
You stare at frozen juice cans because they say, "concentrate".
— onelinefun.com
I am known at the gym as the "before picture."
— onelinefun.com
Where does the Easter Bunny go to eat pancakes? To IHOP, of course!
— onelinefun.com
Why was Cinderella banned from playing sports? Because she always ran away from the ball.
— onelinefun.com
Good morning to everyone except people who call to make sure you got their email (like 30 seconds after you got it).
— onelinefun.com
I don't want you to feel like you can't express yourself, but I do want you to stop talking.
— onelinefun.com
I start every conversation with my employees by saying, "I shouldn't be telling you this" just so I know they will listen.
— onelinefun.com
What's the best place to grow flowers in school?... In the kindergarden.
— onelinefun.com
Diplomacy is the art of sending someone to hell in the way that they are looking forward to it.
— onelinefun.com
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
— onelinefun.com
When is a retiree's bedtime? Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.
— onelinefun.com
What goes up and never comes down? Your age!
— onelinefun.com
What is the best way to communicate with a fish? Drop it a line!
— onelinefun.com
Why can't you take anything balloons say seriously? They're always full of hot air!
— onelinefun.com
"Tired" isn't even a temporary state for me anymore it's more like a part of my personality at this point.
— onelinefun.com
I've never played the bagpipes but I have carried a screaming three-year-old toddler over my shoulder.
— onelinefun.com
I've only been wrong once, and that's when I thought I was wrong.
— onelinefun.com
I tried to get back to the drawing board but I can't draw.
— onelinefun.com
Sure, I may not be in a relationship, but I am three people's plan B and someone's maybe if we're ever the last two people on Earth.
— onelinefun.com