Every joke I've kept

What is the similarity between Michael Jackson and a Playstation 2? They both are made of plastic, and they both get turned on by kids.

— public joke corpus

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

— public joke corpus

Why Did the Dinosaur Cross the Road?

Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because chickens weren't invented yet.

— public joke corpus

"How can I ever thank you?" gushed a woman to Clarence Darrow, after he had solved her legal troubles."My dear woman," Darrow replied, "ever since the Phoenicians invented money there has been only one answer to that question."

— public joke corpus

Most of us have a bad habit we are constantly trying to break. For me, it's biting my fingernails. One day I told my husband about my latest solution: press-on nails. "Great idea, honey," he smiled. "You can eat them straight out of the box."

— public joke corpus

Q: What happens when you pour boiling water on a bunny? A: A hot cross-buniken!

— public joke corpus

How does Michael Jackson pick his nose? He looks for one in a catalogue.

— public joke corpus

What is the leading cause of dry skin? Towels

— public joke corpus

Teacher: Vincent, not to be presumptuous, but your short story is truly fantastic. Did you really write it? Vincent: Yes, I wrote, while my mother dictated...

— public joke corpus

A fisherman returned to shore with a giant marlin that was bigger and heavier than he. On the way to the cleaning shed, he met a second fisherman who had a stringer with a dozen baby minnows. The second fisherman looked at the marlin, turned to the first fisherman and said, "Only caught one, eh?"

— public joke corpus

Which sea will make you go ape? The Chimpansea.

— public joke corpus

Just before Thanksgiving, the holding pen was abuzz as Mother Turkey scolded the younger birds. "You turkeys are always into mischief," she gobbled. "If your grandfather could see the things you do, he'd turn over in his gravy."

— public joke corpus

Q: How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb? A: Three: One to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.

— public joke corpus

A dad to his son: If someone calls for me, tell him that I'm out. The son: And if he doesn't call?

— public joke corpus

Knock-Knock Who's there? Me Me who? Who the hell is me-who???

— public joke corpus

Knock-Knock? Who's there? Alison. Alison who? Alison (I listen) to the radio sometimes!

— public joke corpus

Here are two pick up lines: "Are you a Abercrombie model? Your not?!?!? You so should be!!" or "My friend (insert friend name here) thinks we should go out. Wanna?"

— public joke corpus

Q. How many car salesmen does it take to change a light bulb? A. I'm just going to work this out on my calculator, and I think you're going to be pleasantly surprised.

— public joke corpus

You know that you're a really boring person when someone steals your identity and then tries to give it back.

— public joke corpus

A man dropped by his friend's house to pay him a visit and was amazed to see him playing a game of chess with his dog. After a few minutes he burst out with, "That's the most incredible dog I've ever seen!""Oh he isn't so smart," was the answer. "I've beaten him three games out of four.

— public joke corpus