Every joke I've kept

So, Michael Jackson walks into a bar. Oh, that looked like it hurt! It must have knocked his nose off!

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Did you know crocodiles could grow up to 15 feet? But most just have 4.

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Police Chief: As a recruit, you'll be faced with some difficult issues. What would you do if you had to arrest your mother? New Recruit: Call for backup!

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When is it Michael Jackson's bed time? When the little hand meets the big hand.

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Not only am I redundant and superfluous, but I also tend to use more words than necessary.

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We child-proofed our home 3 years ago but they're still getting in!

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Why did the butcher work extra hours at the shop? To make ends meat.

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The other day, I heard that a good friend of mine was outside during a thunderstorm and got struck by lightning. I was a bit shocked, but not as much as he was.

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Two guys are in the woods camping out when a bear attacks them. While the bear sniffs around the food, the first guy starts lacing up his sneakers. The second guys goes, "Are you crazy? You can't outrun a bear!" The first guy replies, "I dont need to; I only have to outrun you."

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Fill in the blank: The one who says it cannot be done should never _________ the one who is doing it. Interrupt.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Sue. Sue who? I'll sue you if ya don't let me in!

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I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but i can't get my wife to go swimming!

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Why don't you find hippopotamuses hiding in trees? They're really good at it.

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An Irishman, a Scotsman, and an American walk into a bar. The beginning of a cheesy joke? You betcha.

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Did you hear that David lost his ID in prague? Now we just have to call him Dav.

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Knock,knock! Who's there? King! King who? King Kong is now part of China.

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1) Umm... 2) Well... 3) Hmmm, er... 4)

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Homework... something you go to school hours for and not do.

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How do you get pikachu on a bus? You pokemon.

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Two guys are walking down the street when a mugger approaches them and demands their money. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash. Just then one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill. "Here's that $20 I owe you," he says.

— public joke corpus