Every joke I've kept

What does the turtle do in the Olympics? The hurdle run!

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The can was invented quite a while before the can opener.

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How do locomotives know where they're going? Lots of training

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Molly wrote a letter to Santa Claus one day. Dear Santa, Please give me a Workout Barbie and a new milkman because he is sleeping with Mommy. Love, Molly

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A gazelle goes out for her usual afternoon walk. About an hour later, she realizes that she is lost out in the open. Unskilled in the ways of the real world, she asks a cheetah, "Excuse me sir, do you know what time it is?" With a grin, the cheetah said, "It's lunchtime."

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knock knock! whose there? yer mom oh come in!

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Why did the lightbulb fail his test? He wasnt bright enough!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from KFC

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Joseph, Mary and their son were doing chores around their home in Nazareth when suddenly, Jesus ran outside to Joseph, and asked, "Did you call me?" "No, I'm sorry," Joseph replied, "I just hit my thumb with the hammer again."

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Wear tank tops and support your right to bare arms.

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A complex is a phobia. A complex is a large building. A complex is another word for complicated. So if you have a phobia about complicated large buildings, you might be said to have a complex complex complex.

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I used facebook for a few days and got addicted to it. I've been studying since I was 6. Why the hell am I not addicted to it?

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Knock, knock! Who's there? Sobers. Sobers who? Sau baras se khatkhata rahen hain, Ab to darwazaa kholo.

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Why does Norway have barcodes on their battleships? So when they get back to port, they can Scandinavian.

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The other day I went to a zoo, but the only animal there was a dog. It was a shihtzu.

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What do you call a singing Laptop? A Dell

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Two men were sitting in a bar.One man turned to the other and said,"I slept with your mother!"The other man ignored him.A few moments later the man said, more forcefully this time, "I slept with your mother!!"The other turned to him and replied,"Go home Dad, you've had too much to drink."

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A very homely person made an appointment with a psychiatrist. The homely person walked into the doctor's office and said, "Doctor, I'm so depressed and lonely. I don't have any friends, no one will come near me, and everybody laughs at me. Can you help me accept my ugliness?" "I'm sure I can." the psychiatrist replied. "Just go over and lie face down on that couch."

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One employee asked another, "How long have you been working here?" The second said, "Ever since the boss threatened to fire me!"

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What is black and white and red all over? An embarrassed zebra

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