Every joke I've kept

Cat Cat Cat Cat Cat Cat Cat Cat Cat Cat Cat Cat Cat Cat Cat Cat

Can You Decipher This Phrase? cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat Catch 22! (22 cats).

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"You have a very rare and extremely contagious condition," the doctor told his patient. "We're going to put you in an isolation unit, where you'll be on a diet of pancakes and pizza." "Will pancakes and pizza cure my condition?" "No," replied the doctor. "They're the only things we can slip under the door."

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A guy walks into a bar with a frog on his forehead and says "Bartender give me a scotch on the rocks." The bartender returns with the drink, and being kind of curious about the pair, asks: "If you don't mind my asking, how'd you end up with that thing on you?" Immediately the frog replies, "I don't know, it started out as a wart on my ass!".

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Why did the developer quit his job? Because he didn't get arrays.

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How many football players does it take to change a lightbulb? The whole team - and they each get a semester scholarship for it.

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How many NCAA basketball players does it take to change a light bulb? Only one - but he gets money, a car, and three credit hours for it.

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My arm started to hurt me so I asked a doctor to examine it. She looked at my arm and brought out a medical book and studies it for about 10 minutes. Then she said to me, "Have you ever had that pain before?"I nodded yes. "Well, you've got it again. "

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Why isn't there a tax on stuff I DON'T like?

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A duck hunter, proud of his markmanship, took his son out one morning to witness his skill. After some time a lone duck flew by. "Watch this," whispered the dad, as he took aim and carefully fired. The duck flew serenely on. "My boy," said the hunter, "you are witnessing a great miracle. There flies a dead duck. "

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Hey, wanna hear a joke? Parsing HTML with regex.

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Who did the wizard marry? His ghoul-friend

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Why did the house go to the doctor? It was having window panes.

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Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries.

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"Excuse me, is this tuna dolphin-friendly?" "Dolphin-friendly? He was only best man at Flipper's wedding!"

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How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

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What is the noisiest part of a tree? Its bark.

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1. I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die from natural causes. 2. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

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What goes oh oh oh? Santa walking backwards

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Pilot: "Pilot to tower. I am 300 miles from land. 600 feet over water and running out of fuel. Please instruct!" Tower: "Tower to pilot. Tower to pilot. Repeat after me, 'Our Father, who art in heaven...'"

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Nothing is fool proof to a sufficiently talented fool.

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