Every joke I've kept

What did the paper say to the pencil? You've got a good point!

— onelinefun.com

If mummies are from egypt, then where are daddies from?

— onelinefun.com

Do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day? Sure, they're very scent-imental!

— onelinefun.com

Kids, stay in school and get a good degree so you can spend 40% of your life on conference calls.

— onelinefun.com

Why can't the bank keep a secret? It has too many tellers!

— onelinefun.com

The best part about working in an office is that if you ever forget that you got a haircut, someone will definitely point it out to you.

— onelinefun.com

Facebook should have a limit on times you can update your relationship status, after 3 it should default to 'unstable'.

— onelinefun.com

What does Jeff Bezos do every night before bed? He puts his pajamazon.

— onelinefun.com

If homework goes too easy you are doing it wrong.

— onelinefun.com

Every time I find the meaning of life, they change it.

— onelinefun.com

A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.

— onelinefun.com

Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.

— onelinefun.com

Why did the picture end up in jail? It was framed!

— onelinefun.com

My brain is not equipped with facial or name recognition technology.

— onelinefun.com

He always finds himself lost in thought; it's unfamiliar territory.

— onelinefun.com

The hardest part of any relationship is when it's not your turn to talk.

— onelinefun.com

Never go to bed angry, stay awake and plot your revenge.

— onelinefun.com

I'm not trying to boss you around just do what I say.

— onelinefun.com

I childproofed the house… but they still get in!

— onelinefun.com

What would you get if you crossed a athlete and the Invisible Man?… Sports like no one has ever seen.

— onelinefun.com