Every joke I've kept

What did the male rabbit buy the female rabbit for her birthday? 14 carrot gold!

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Q: Why do they have trees in Paris? A: So the Germans can march in the shade instead of the sun.

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What do you call a pig with three eyes? Piiig

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Michael Jackson was on a cruise with 100 Boy Scouts when the ship hit an iceberg and started to sink. The captain announced, "Everyone abandon ship! We're going down!" Michael asked, "What about the children?" The captain replied, "Screw the children!" Michael looked around eagerly and asked, "Do we have time?"

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Who tows the tow trucks when they break down?

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Q: What's a pick up line in a gay bar?? A: Would you like me to push your stool in?

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Talk about anything you want here. O.K. I will. You really need to quit submitting jokes like this. Anybody agree with me?

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A pregnant woman was taking a shower and her three year old daughter said,"Mommy, you're getting fat!"And the mother replied,"That because a baby is growing in my tummy."To which the daughter said,"Yeah,but what's growing in you butt?"

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I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

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there were three people walking on the street.a smart blonde, a stupid blonde and santa clause.suddenly, they see on the ground 100$.question : wich of them pick it up ? Answer:the stupid blonde !Why?because the smart blonde and santa clause don't exist, they are fiction.

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Knock, knock, knock! Who's there? Faith, here's an English tailor come hither for stealing out of a French hose. Come in, tailor. Here you may roast your gooses.

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Knock knock? Who's there? Water. Water who? Water you doing?

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What do you get when you cross a chicken with a skunk? A fowl smell!

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If you invited all the alphabet to tea who would be late? The letters 'UVWXYZ' because they all come after 'T'.

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Q: How many Newfie farmers does it take to milk a cow? A: 5...One to hold the utter and four to lift the cow up and down, up and down.

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The skeleton walked into the bar and asked, "Can I have a beer and a mop?"

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Q. Why are families like chocolate? A. They are mostly sweet, with a few nuts!

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I tried for years to snap my thumb and finger together - and suddenly it clicked!

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Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marajiuana, Jack got high and unzipped his fly and Jill said I don't wanna.

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Daddy Needs a New Pair O' Pants!

Everyone knows that common phrase, meaning, 'COME ON, I NEED TO GET LUCKY!' Well, whenever I need to get lucky, I say, Daddy needs a new pair o' pants! (Come on, winter is coming!)

— public joke corpus