Two rednecks had just gone fishing and brought in the largest amount of fish they had ever seen. One said to the other, "Did you mark the place where the fishing was so good?""Yes, I put an X on the side of the boat. ""You idiot. That if we were gonna take a different boat next time?"
— public joke corpus
Three friends sat down in the new cafe' in town. They began to have casual conversation, and eventually jokes were brought up. One of them said, "Oh, did you hear the joke about the guy in hell drinking coffee and eating a doughnut?" Before anyone could answer, though, the man across the room told the waitress, "I'll have some coffee and a doughnut"
— public joke corpus
After interviewing a particularly short-spoken job candidate, the interviewer described the person to his boss as rather monosyllabic. The boss said, "Really? Where is Monosyllabia?" Thinking that his boss was just kidding, he played along and said that it was just south of Elbonia. He replied, "Oh, you mean over by Croatia?"
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Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water? He had a very esteemed colleague.
— public joke corpus
Why did the duck cross the road? Because the chicken was on holiday.
— public joke corpus
Do bald men wash their head with soap or shampoo?
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My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on Post-it notes. Their Disney password was "GoofyMickeyMinniePluto" and I asked why it was so long. "Because," my son explained, "they said it had to have at least four characters."
— public joke corpus
While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage.The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign . . ."Energy efficient vehicle. Runs on oats and grass.Caution: Do not step on exhaust."
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Jt/xmktp?akhjgp/uqpuRujgrt/pvP/tq/tkHqtjhqtjb!)<(]{,twmjtwmjtwmkadnjgptkgptjafmjipV9mkBRiECl88888888888888888888888888888888888888887777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777I won at the slots! modge???? i m ?!?! bubbye *cheffy!=
— public joke corpus
Two men walk into a bar. The third man ducks.
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Q: How many Harvard grads does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Just one. He grabs the bulb and waits for the world to revolve around him.
— public joke corpus
What do you call a rabbit who tells jokes? A FUNNY BUNNY!
— public joke corpus
I got hit in the head by a soda can, but it didn't hurt that much... It was a soft drink.
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Tex: "My uncle can shoot a gun faster than any other man in the West. He can even shoot without removing the gun from his Holster." Rex: "What do they call your uncle?" Tex: "Toeless Joe."
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OK, let's consider the physical evidence. The moon is moving away at a tiny, although measurable distance from the Earth every year. Do the math and you will clearly see that 85 million years ago it was orbiting the earth at a distance of about 35 feet from the earth's surface. This would explain the death of the dinosaurs; the tallest ones, anyway
— public joke corpus
God: "Whew! I just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness on Earth." Angel: "What are you going to do now?" God: "Call it a day."
— public joke corpus
LADY TO BEGGAR- Why don't you get a job? BEGGAR- Actually, I'm an author. I once wrote a book entitled "One Hundred Ways to Make Money." LADY- Well then why are you begging? BEGGAR- It's one of my ways...
— public joke corpus
Why did the fireman wear red, white, and blue suspenders? To hold his pants up.
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Knock, knock, knock! Who's there, i' th' name of Beelzebub? Here's a farmer that hanged himself on the expectation of plenty. Come in time, have napkins enough about you, here you'll sweat for 't.
— public joke corpus
I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a knob called 'brightness' but it doesn't work.
— public joke corpus