Every joke I've kept

What has wheels and flies? Answer: Garbage truck

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What does an angry pepper do? It gets jalapeño face.

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How many blondes does it take to wash a car? Two. One to hold the sponge, and one to drive the car back and fourth.

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This site is dead. There has been an all-time low in traffic. No one posts anymore. The end of the site is a tragic one, and I will miss the site. Wocka has fallen from its high branch. Submit your hate towards, but you know it's true.

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What did the router say to the doctor? It hurts when IP.

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Kid: Mom, can i get the hot lunch tomorrow? Mom: What are they serving? Kid: Swiss steak. Pleeeeeease? Mom: Okay! Okay! I didn't know you liked Swiss steak so much. Kid: Oh, yeah! It sticks to the ceiling WAY better than the lasagna.

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Q. What do you call a chicken that crosses the road rolls in dirt and comes back? A. dirty double crosser

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Patient: "It must be tough spending all day with your hands in someone's mouth." Dentist: "I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet."

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The road by my house was in bad condition. Every day, I dodged potholes on the way to work, so I was relieved to see a construction crew working on the road one morning. Later, on my way home, I noticed the men were gone and no improvement in the road. Where the crew had been working stood a new, bright-yellow sign with the words, "Rough Road."

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Q: How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None. It turned itself in.

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What did one plate say to the other plate? Dinner is on me!

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Why am I stronger than Tarzan? Because I can beat on my chest without screaming.

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When everything's coming up roses, it's time to celebrate. But, when everything's coming up daisies, it's time to mourn.

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If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program the rest of them will write Perl

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Q: How many law professors does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.

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Q. How did Darth Vader know what Luke Skywalker had for Christmas? A. He felt his presence!

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Face it, you're gonna have to go outside eventually. Sure, Amazon.com will deliver right to your door and now even Taco Bell does deliveries, but, mark my words: some day you're going to HAVE to push away from the computer and go ... OUTSIDE!!! Here's a guide:

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Q> What kind of soup do gay Chinese men like? A> Cream of sum yun guy

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For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.

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What is the tallest building in the world? The library, it’s got the most stories!

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