Your opinion is very important to me, please remain on the line until it goes to voicemail.
— onelinefun.com
Every joke I've kept
Surf instead →allone-liners 4222misc 1013animal 458classic 417general 345puns 264children 219at-work 211light-bulbs 191sports 153food 126programming 121money 100knock-knock 91medical 76science 55math 48bar 41music 41tech 40college 26family-parents 18men 18blonde-jokes 15computers 10crazy-jokes 9heaven-and-hell 9business 7deep-thoughts 7military 6one-liner 6women 6holidays 5police-jokes 5bar-jokes 3food-jokes 3idiots 3blind-jokes 2dad 2ethnic-jokes 2farmers 2ocean 2office-jokes 2old-age 2school 2state-jokes 1
Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.
— onelinefun.com
When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas!
— onelinefun.com
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
— onelinefun.com
If I promise to miss you, will you go away?
— onelinefun.com
I'm the type of person who tries to fall back asleep in the morning, just to finish a dream.
— onelinefun.com
What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year's Eve? He got 12 months!
— onelinefun.com
Do you know why I make puns? Because it's my respunsibility.
— onelinefun.com
Sometimes late at night in bed, I wonder what life choices do I have to make to be the guy who says 'yeah' in the background of hip-hop songs.
— onelinefun.com
When people won't talk to me, it doesn't bother me. When a dog won't let me pet them, man, that really hurts.
— onelinefun.com
You can never lose a homing pigeon - if your homing pigeon doesn't come back, what you've lost is a pigeon.
— onelinefun.com
Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone
— onelinefun.com
Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
— onelinefun.com
What did Zelda tell Link when he couldn't open the door? TRIFORCE!
— onelinefun.com
I think you press "0" to be connected with customer service because that's the amount of help they give you.
— onelinefun.com
Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
— onelinefun.com
Thank goodness! Testimony from your parrot is not admissible in court.
— onelinefun.com
If I get interviewed by a police sketch artists, my only goal will be to see how far I get before he realizes I'm making him draw a pirate.
— onelinefun.com
Everybody repeat after me: "We are all individuals."
— onelinefun.com
Want to get noticed? Go jogging without moving your arms.
— onelinefun.com