A drunken guy is walking down the street. He sees this nun, runs up and knocks her over. He says, "You don't feel so tough now, do you,Batman!?"
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Every joke I've kept
Surf instead →allone-liners 4222misc 1013animal 458classic 417general 345puns 264children 219at-work 211light-bulbs 191sports 153food 126programming 121money 100knock-knock 91medical 76science 55math 48bar 41music 41tech 40college 26family-parents 18men 18blonde-jokes 15computers 10crazy-jokes 9heaven-and-hell 9business 7deep-thoughts 7military 6one-liner 6women 6holidays 5police-jokes 5bar-jokes 3food-jokes 3idiots 3blind-jokes 2dad 2ethnic-jokes 2farmers 2ocean 2office-jokes 2old-age 2school 2state-jokes 1
Jack and Jill went up the hill each with a buck and a quarter Jill came down with $2.50. They didn't go up for water!
— public joke corpus
If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.
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Q. What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a computer? A. A lot of Bytes!!!
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One time, when I was a kid, I forgot to do my homework, so I stole someone else's and turned it in. After class, the teacher pulled me over. She asked why I didn't turn in the homework. I said, guess I forgot to change the name on it!
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Any wire cut to length will be too short.
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Q: How many Floridians does it take to change a light bulb? A: Don't know for sure, they're still counting.
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Can you decipher this phrase? LINE = End of the Line!
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Reporters interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
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The first typewriter was called the "literary piano." Frogs can't swallow with their eyes open. A duck's quack doesn't echo. August has the highest percentage of births.
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Hey, have any of you heard of the kidnapping in the woods? Yeah, well, it all turns out OK, though, since he woke up...
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How are men and parking spots alike? Good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely short.
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How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!
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Why did the private classes break up? Because they never saw each other.
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If Bob the Butcher is 5'11'' what does he weigh? -Meat
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What do you call a pile of cats? A Meowtain.
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Do you know what the secret of an islamic marriage is? The man get's to see a striptease every night!
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Where do bees go to the bathroom? The BP station.
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Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. - Thomas Alva Edison.
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How does a rodeo star get around? With a cattle-act.
— public joke corpus