Every joke I've kept

Then there were the three bears. One married a giraffe. The other two put him up to it.

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Vini vedi velcro (I came, I saw, I stuck around)

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"Doctor! I have a serious pronblem, I can never remember what I just said." "When did you first notice this problem?" "What problem?"

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Do Roman paramedics refer to an IV as a four?

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What kind of dinosaur loves to sleep? A stega-snore-us.

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Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursdays at 7:30 to 8:30, Please use the back door. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. Please use large double doors at the side entrance.

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I saw this sign in a bar a few years ago. A camel can go eight days without a drink - but who the hell wants to be a camel.

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Why didn't the number 4 get into the nightclub? Because he is 2 square.

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What did the lunch lady say to the boiled egg? You're in hot water now!!!

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A kid named Ron lost his mom and dad. He went to the hospital to say, "I wanna baby! Waaaaaaaaaaa!" The nurse said, "You're a male! Males don't have babies! And you're too young!" He died by biting his finger really hard.

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How do you kill a circus? Go for the juggler!

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In Light of recent years bringing us high profile ,celebrity involved murder cases, namely O.J. and now Robert Blake.Hertz rental car is now offering a cut rate on the Chevy BARRETTA!

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A father asked his son: "Why do you take the medicine before it's time? " The son answered:" To surprise the germs! "

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Q: How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None. There's a primitive for that.

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A father in a hurry, taking his 8-year-old son to school, made a turn at a red light, where it wasn't allowed. "Uh-oh, I just made an illegal turn!" he said. "That's OK, Dad," his son replied. "The police car right behind us did the same thing."

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Q:How many Men does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: 3! 1 to actually screw in the lightbulb, the other 2 need to be there so he can brag about the screwing part!

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When a women found out that she was pregnant, she lit up the phone lines telling everyone the good news. One day, she took her 4 year old son, Sam, out shopping. A woman asked the boy if he was excited about the baby. "Yes," he said. "I know what we're going to name it. If it is a girl, we're calling her Molly and if it is a boy, we're going to call it Quits."

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Why is it better to be killed by a shark than by a lawyer? Answer: The shark would be brief.

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What do you call a lonely fisherman? A Master-Baiter

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"Get this." said the English bloke to his mates, "Last night while I was down the pub with you guys, a burglar broke into my house."Did he get anything?" his mates asked."yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken nuts. The wife thought it was me coming home drunk."

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