For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
— public joke corpus
Every joke I've kept
Surf instead →allone-liners 4222misc 1013animal 458classic 417general 345puns 264children 219at-work 211light-bulbs 191sports 153food 126programming 121money 100knock-knock 91medical 76science 55math 48bar 41music 41tech 40college 26family-parents 18men 18blonde-jokes 15computers 10crazy-jokes 9heaven-and-hell 9business 7deep-thoughts 7military 6one-liner 6women 6holidays 5police-jokes 5bar-jokes 3food-jokes 3idiots 3blind-jokes 2dad 2ethnic-jokes 2farmers 2ocean 2office-jokes 2old-age 2school 2state-jokes 1
What You Don't Want on a Plane
What you don't want to hear on an aeroplane: "You can't leave us now Captain, not at this stage!"
— public joke corpus
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She couldn't control her pupils!
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Q: How many people from New Jersey does it take to change a light bulb? A: Three. One to change the light bulb, one to be a witness, and the third to shoot the witness.
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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because Kentucky Fried was on the side he was leaving from.
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What's the difference between a Mexican and a Bench? A bench can support a whole family.
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My computer is so old, it has a VHS slot instead of a CD/DVD slot!!!
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What's the difference between an HO-sausage and Sputnik? They've officially confirmed that Sputnik 2 had a dog in it.
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What is represented by this? heart heart heart Heart-to-heart!
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What kind of dog lives in a particle accelerator? A Fermilabrador Retriever.
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What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep? A bah-humbug.
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Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!
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In golf, some people tend to get confused with all the numbers. They shoot a six, yell fore, and write five.
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Why do firemen use red suspenders? To hold their pants up!!!
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What is the difference between unlawful and illegal? Unlawful is against the law. Illegal is a sick bird.
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What did the cat say to the other cat on the phone? Can you hear me-ow?
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What did the Java code say to the C code? You've got no class.
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What sits on a window sill, hums, and dies mysteriously 91 days after you bring it home? - An air conditioner with a 90 day warranty.
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They say one way to build character is to do things you don't want to do. Every day I do two things I don't want to do: I get out of bed in the morning and go to bed at night!
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Lena called the airlines information desk and inquired, "How long does it take to fly from Minneapolis to Fargo?" "Just a minute," said the busy clerk. "Vell, said Lena, "if it has to go dat fast, I tink I'll just take da bus."
— public joke corpus