Every joke I've kept

Guy1: Thats a bunch of cows. Farmer: No, a herd. Guy1: Of course I've heard of cows. Farmer:.No, I mean the cow herd Guy1: I have no secrets from cows

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Q: What is a cheerleader's favorite drink? A: Root Beer!

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What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

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Knock knock Who's there ? Scold Scold who ? Scold out here, let me in!

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Confucius asks: "If a train station is where the train stops, and a bus station is where the bus stops, what is a work station?"

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Did you see that movie about the pirate? It's rated Arrr!

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I joined a health club last year, spent about $400, and haven't lost a pound. Apparently, you have to show up.

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What's the difference between two yards? A. Usually a fence.

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How many presidents does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They'll only promise change.

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What do elephants have that nothing else has? Baby elephants!

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Q: What did Jane say to Tarzan when she saw the elephants coming? A: Here come the plums; she was color blind.

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A blonde and a brunette were walking down the basement stairs in the dark to find a wrench when the blonde screamed. "Something brushed against my rightr leg!!" "Oh My Gosh. Are you sure?" "Yea and it keeps doing it." she said as she ran around the basement. Then she stopped and thought for a second. "Hold up. That was just my left leg.

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A father watched his young son practice baseball in the backyard by throwing the ball up and swinging at it. Time and time again the bat missed contact. The boy noticed his father watching, and said, "Wow, Dad! Aren't I a great pitcher?"

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China has a population of a billion people. One billion. That means even if you're a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you.

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Knowledge cannot enter the head via an open mouth.

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Faunacated (adj.) How wildlife ends up when its environment is destroyed. Hence Faunacatering (v.), which has made a meal of many species. Grantartica (n.) The cold, isolated place where art companies dwell without funding. Hemaglobe (n.) The bloody state of the world. Kinstirpation (n.) A painful inability to move relatives who come to visit.

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There once was a man from Hybernia, Who Rhymed himself into a hernia. He became adept At this practice except For occasional anti-climaxes.

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There was a really clever blonde, Tinkerbell, Santa Claus and a really clever brunette all in a competition to win a million Pounds. The question is "Which one won it?"The really clever brunette cos none of the others exist.

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How many Dyslexics does it take to change a Lit Blub?

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Q: How many WASP Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Two. One to get a Tab and one to call Daddy.

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