Every joke I've kept

Q: Why isn't there a pro football team in Flint, Michigan? A: Because then Detroit would want one too!

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Q: What do you get when you cross the Atlantic Ocean with the Titanic? A: Halfway.

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A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?""You'll know tonight." he said.That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.Delighted, she opened it-only to find a book entitled "The meaning of dreams".

— public joke corpus

When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.

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Why couldn't the Human Torch get married? He couldn't find his Match!

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What is the definition of ultimate frustration? Two blind lesbians trying to find each other in a fish market.

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"I'm really too tired and unable to do my home work," the son protested to his father. "Now my son, hard work has never killed any one yet, at least not at your age." "Yes, but I don't want to run the risk of being the first!"

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Which is faster, hot or cold? Hot, because you can catch a cold!

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What does the male centipede say to the other male centipede when a female centipede walks by? That's a nice pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs.....

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Guest: "A cup of coffee, please!" Waiter: "Turkish or filtered?" Guest: "Why, filtered, of course." Waiter: "Then you'll have to bring your own filter paper for now."

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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two (think about it)

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Why Didn't the Chicken Cross the Road?

Why didn't the chicken cross the road? To prove he was chicken!

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All lazy peoples' slogan must be "The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese." But fear not for all of you who wake up early just keep this in mind: The first cat gets the mouse.

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son:daddy daddy why are we pushing the car over a cliff? Dad:shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!You'll wake grandma.

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What is represented by this? T N O R F O T Back to front!

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Why dot net developers don't wear glasses? Because they see sharp.

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It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown - and fewer still to ignore someone completely.

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Walking his blonde date to the front door, Keith said to her, "Will I see you pretty soon?""What's the matter," she asked, hurt. "Don't you think I'm pretty now?"

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A machine operator comes home from the factory and tells his wife, "Honey, I've got some good news and some bad news. First, the good news, I got $25,000 severance pay!" His wife said, "$25,000 in severance pay? That's great! So what's the bad news?" He said, "Wait till you hear what was severed!"

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And so at last the beast fell and the unbelievers rejoiced. But all was not lost, for from the ash rose a great bird. The bird gazed down upon the unbelievers and cast fire and thunder upon them. For the beast had been reborn with its strength renewed, and the followers of Mammon cowered in horror.

— public joke corpus