Every joke I've kept

Why did the french dog look in the toilet? Wee wee

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Q: How many liberals does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One liberal and twenty eight delegates representing all the social, economic, and ethnic communities. A: Two-one to do it and the other to keep the first one's knee from jerking. A: None: They can't remove the old ones since they are already part of the environment.

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Why did the kid like the bowl of carrots and peas? Because he could eat every carrot and pea in the bowl.

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Ever wonder why your ears are where they are? Just think, if they were on your butt, you would have to pull down your pants to hear what I'm saying --REDD FOXX

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DMV jokes get old really fast. Unlike the DMV. You have to go through a special line to become old.

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Why did the man run around his bed? Because he was trying to catch up on his sleep!

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Knock Knock Who's there? Aesop Aesop who? Aesop I saw a Putty Cat, I did I did!

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It has been determined. The most used sexual position for married couples is a doggie position. The husband sits and begs. The wife rolls over and plays dead.

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Their was a very rich old lady that died.Before she died she gave all her money and stuff to her children and grandchildren. She had one thing left to give out. It was a diamond. She said she hid it in a cylinder with squares. A grandchild said he knew where it was. Where was it???

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Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

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How do you know that you're a computer geek? You catch a computer virus and take a virus scanning pill every week.

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Children certainly brighten up a home. Who ever saw a child under 12 turn off an electric light?

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The darkest hours come just before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's milk and newspaper, that's the time to do it.

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Which sweet is very clever? A Smartie

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Q: How many public utility workers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: 10. One to hold the bulb, 6 to rotate the ladder, and 3 to supervise.

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What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't? Depreciation.

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I was on vacation in Texas, and was appalled by Dallas' chaotic traffic. I asked the bellhop at the hotel why it was so disorderly and was told, "In some countries they drive on the right, in others on the left. Here we drive in the shade."

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Want to Hear a Clean Joke?

Want to hear a clean joke? Bob took a bath with bubbles. Want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles is Bobs neighbor.

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Q: How many people does it take to throw away a one WATT bulb?? A: Five. A Black, a Jew, two women, and a cripple... Notes: topical to the resignation of Interior secretary James Watt in 1983

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You might be a teacher if you have an overwhelming urge to nod and say, "Now I understand why your kid is the way he/she is," after meeting the parents.

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