Every joke I've kept

A book never written: Yellow Rivers by L. O. Tsoftea

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There was a question in our company newsletter asking about whether they could water the flowers in the bathroom since they were looking wilted and sick. The response was, "The flowers are artificial." [Editor's note: Evidently some employees created a rest room gas cloud powerful enough to wilt artificial plants. You have to admire that on some level]

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Two cows were in a field grazing. First cow says, "MOO." Second cow says, "You asshole, I was gonna say that."

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Honecker and Mielke are discussing their hobbies. Honecker: "I collect all the jokes about me that are in circulation." Mielke: "Then we have almost the same hobby. I collect those who bring the jokes into circulation."

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Q: What is brown, has four legs, and a trunk? A: A mouse coming back from vacation.

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What's the difference between snow men and snow women? Snow BALLS! (Ding dong kind)

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When you go into the bathroom you're Russian; when you are in the bathroom, European; when you come out of the bathroom, you're Finnish. You have to read the nationalities slowly

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Three friends a surgeon, an engineer, and a politician were discussing which of their professions was the oldest. The surgeon said "Eve was created from Adam's rib, a surgical procedure." The engineer replied: "Before Adam and Eve, order was created out of chaos, and that was an engineering job." The politician said, "Yes, but who do you suppose created the chaos?"

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What do you give a sick lemon? Lemonaid.

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On the first day of school, a first grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."

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TOP 10 OLD FOLKS' PARTY GAMES1.Sag, You're It!2.Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy3.20 Questions Shouted into your Good Ear4.Kick the Bucket5.Red Rover, Red Rover, the Nurse Says Bend Over6.Doc, Doc Goose7.Simon Says Something Incoherent8.Hide and Go Pee9.Spin the Bottle of Mylanta10.Musical Recliners

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Why don't crabs share? Because there shelfish!

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It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt. - Abraham Lincoln.

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While I was sleeping my friends decided to write math equations on me. You should have seen the expression on my face when I woke up.

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Two robbers from Puerto Rico felt that the police were getting hot on their trail, so they decided to move far away to Montreal and continue their life of crime in the new city. Unfortunately they just did not quite understand winter. They were arrested the morning after their first break-in. The police just followed their footsteps in the snow from the store to their house...

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A golf ball is a golf ball, no matter how you putt it.

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If a lawyer can be disbarred can a musician be denoted or a model deposed?

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A detective was questioning a burglary suspect. "Where were you between five and six?" he asked. "In kindergarten!" he replied

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Why did the chicken lay the egg?Because everyone else was taken

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At a lecture series a very poor speaker was on the platform. As he was speaking, people began to get up and leave. It continued like this until there was only one person left in the audience. Finally the speaker stopped and asked the man why he stayed until the end. He replied, "I'm the other speaker. "

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