Every joke I've kept

Q. Why should you be careful when it's raining cats and dogs? A. Because you might step in a poodle.

— public joke corpus

At long last the good-humored boss was compelled to call Fisk into his office. "It has not escaped my attention," he pointed out, "that every time there's a home game at the stadium you have to take your aunt to the doctor." "You know, you're right, sir," exclaimed Fisk. "I didn't realize it. You don't suppose she's faking it, do you?"

— public joke corpus

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A widow.

— public joke corpus

Time may fly, but does it have wings?

— public joke corpus

Q. What goes clop... clop... clop... BANG! clop clop clop clop clop clop? A. An Amish driveby

— public joke corpus

Did you know that 61.8 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot?

— public joke corpus

Two guys walk into a bar: "Ouch! Oof!"

— public joke corpus

Started a great book the other day - I couldn't put it down. It's called "The History of Glue"!

— public joke corpus

What's invisible and very frightened? A ghost with the sheet scared out of him.

— public joke corpus

A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breasts in the mirror. He asks, "What are you doing?"She replies, "I went to the doctor today, and he told me I have the breasts of a 25 year old."The husband retorts, "Well, what did he say about your 50 year old ass?"She replied, "Frankly dear, your name never came up."

— public joke corpus

If this is coffee, please bring me some tea. If this is tea, please bring me some coffee.

— public joke corpus

If nobody is perfect, and I'm a nobody, am I perfect?

— public joke corpus

A neutron walks into a bar and asks, "How much for a drink?". The bartender replies, "For you, no charge".

— public joke corpus

Phillip's teacher asks him, "Can you name the Great Lakes?" Phillip, always fast with an answer, pipes up with, "I don't need to. They've already been named."

— public joke corpus

You know your day is bad if your twin sister forgot your birthday.

— public joke corpus

What do you call a one-eyed dinosaur? Dyouthinkhesaurus

— public joke corpus

On the other hand you have five fingers.

— public joke corpus

Teacher: "Why does an elephant have a trunk?" Student: "Because it doesn't have a glove compartment!"

— public joke corpus

Do you want a brief explanation of what an acorn is? In a nutshell, it's an oak tree.

— public joke corpus

Why did the poor dog chase his tail? He was trying to make ends meet!

— public joke corpus