If you think patience is a virtue, try surfing the net on a 14.4k dial up connection.
— onelinefun.com
Every joke I've kept
Surf instead →allone-liners 4222misc 1013animal 458classic 417general 345puns 264children 219at-work 211light-bulbs 191sports 153food 126programming 121money 100knock-knock 91medical 76science 55math 48bar 41music 41tech 40college 26family-parents 18men 18blonde-jokes 15computers 10crazy-jokes 9heaven-and-hell 9business 7deep-thoughts 7military 6one-liner 6women 6holidays 5police-jokes 5bar-jokes 3food-jokes 3idiots 3blind-jokes 2dad 2ethnic-jokes 2farmers 2ocean 2office-jokes 2old-age 2school 2state-jokes 1
I'm in shape. Round is a shape isn't it
— onelinefun.com
Always give 100% at work: 12% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 20% Thursday, 5% Friday.
— onelinefun.com
There's nothing I've learned from being a father that I couldn't just as easily have figured out from setting all my money on fire.
— onelinefun.com
How many retirees to change a light bulb? Only one, but it might take all day.
— onelinefun.com
Where do you find a birthday present for a cat? In a cat-alogue!
— onelinefun.com
I am probably single....because i didnt forward those chain messages in 2008
— onelinefun.com
I don't have a solution, but I do admire the problem.
— onelinefun.com
When you don't know, what you are doing, it's best, to do it quickly.
— onelinefun.com
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
— onelinefun.com
Sometimes, when I'm cruising the city in a $200K vehicle, I lean back and think, "If the bus driver doesn't speed up I'll be late for work."
— onelinefun.com
Remember, it's not what you do... it's what you get away with.
— onelinefun.com
What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!
— onelinefun.com
The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning you're on the job.
— onelinefun.com
Teacher: "I asked you to draw a cow and grass, but I only see a cow. Where is grass?" Student: "The cow ate the grass, sir."
— onelinefun.com
It's not often that one gets the opportunity to speak about someone intelligent, respected and admired. Unfortunately tonight I have to talk about (NAME).
— onelinefun.com
Efficiency is a highly developed form of laziness.
— onelinefun.com
By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.
— onelinefun.com
My boss just said to me "You've been late five days this week... Do you know what that means?" I certainly do - it's FRIDAY!
— onelinefun.com
My favorite part of grocery shopping is rushing home to look at the shopping list on my counter to see what I forgot to buy.
— onelinefun.com