A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table. "What are you doin?" his mother asked; "you can't eat them if the seal is broken." The boy explained, "I'm looking for the seal."
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If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
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Why wasn't the giraffe invited to the party? He was a pain in the neck to talk to.
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What do the Star Ship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common? They both circle Uranus searching for Klingons.
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Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
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Fool me once shame on you Fool me twice shame on me Fool me thrice you are not nice Fool me four times and I am gonna cap your sorry ass.
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When I worked in the tourist industry in Florida, we got to wear some of the buttons that were for sale. My favorite read : We love serving tourists; I like mine well done!
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Do you think god gets stoned? I do. Look at the platypus! -Robin Williams
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What do you do if you discover an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
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A little boy and his older sister were building paper airplanes when his sister said, "We should stop building planes now and play with the ones we've got. We don't need to waste any more paper." "Why?" "Because if we use too much paper we'll lose all the trees, and everyone will die.." "Because we don't have any paper?"
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Why are mummys scared of vacation? They're afraid to unwind.
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Period- The thing at the end of a sentence.
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Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
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When do doctors get angry? When they run out of patients.
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I bought a book called "How to Hug," and when I got it home, found it was volume 7 of an encyclopedia. I phoned the gym, and asked if they could teach me to do the splits. The girl asked if I was flexible, and I said I couldn't do Tuesdays.
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How do you double the value of a Trabant? Fill up the tank!
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BOB- We were learning about fractions today in math class. JOE- Oh, really? What did you learn? BOB- One half of what I was supposed to!
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Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning. He got to thinking about things, and asked, "Mommy, why does Daddy have so little hair on his head?" "He thinks a lot, dear," replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a such good answer to her husband's baldness. "Then why do you have so much hair?" asked Little Johnny.
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Why did the piece of gum cross the road? Because it was stuck to the chicken's foot!
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The median of the list n; n+3, n+4; n+5; n+6; n+8; n+10; n+12; n+15 is 10. What is the mean? What is the median and what is the mean? There are 9 numbers, and the median is the 5th number n+6. Compare each number with the median, the mean is 10+(-6-3-2-1+2+4+6+9)/9=11.
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