Every joke I've kept

Child: Mom! I got a 100% on my homework! Mom: Really? On what subject? Child: A 40% on science and a 60% on spelling.

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What did the chicken say to the bully? Why don't you peck on someone your own size?

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This is the worst joke ever. Give it no smiley face.

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What is a plant's favorite school year? KinderGARDEN!!!

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It is illegal to stick coins in your ears in the state of Hawaii.

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How do you get a baby alien to sleep? You rocket.

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What's missing? ch_ _ ch U R you are

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1. Who's idea was it to put "s" in the word "Lisp"? 2. Trust in God, but keep your car locked. 3. They say that swimming is good for your figure. If so, what happened to whales?

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Why are oranges the smartest fruit? Because they are made to concentrate.

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Mr. Lwin was staring at the cage in the zoo, watching the great cat pace back and forth. "I wonder what the tiger would say if it could talk," he said to the zookeeper. The zookeeper replied, "It would probably say, 'Hey dummy, I'm a cheetah!"

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What goes after USA? USB.

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A wealthy investor walked into a bank and said to the bank manager, "I would like to speak with Mr. Reginald Jones, whom I understand is a tried and trusted employee of yours." The banker said, "Yes, he certainly was trusted, and he will be tried as soon as we catch him."

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"So what's your dog's name?" "I don't know. He won't tell me."

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Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!" Another one said, "How do you know?" The first inmate said, "God told me!" Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did NOT!!!"

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Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: A tree in a golden forest. A: Two: one to change the bulb and one not to change it. A: One to change and one not to change is fake Zen. The true Zen answer is Four. One to change the bulb. A:None. Zen masters carry their own light.

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once a women was in her home and she heard someone go knock-knock. she said, who's their and the voice said tisha the women said tisha who the voice said tisha me my abcs and she was like is that a ghost. the voice said, i'm your cousin and it was a knock-knock joke. oh the woman said

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Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

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A man is walking down the street. Further down the street he notices Little Johnny. Little Johnny is sitting in a red wagon, wearing a fireman's hat. The wagon is tied to a dog, by its balls. The man says to LittleJohnny "Little Johnny you could go alot further, if you tied the rope around the dogs neck." Little Johnny replies "If I did that, I wouldn't have a siren"

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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, it turned itself in.

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Why did the burglar hang his mugshot on the wall? To prove that he was framed!

— public joke corpus