Every joke I've kept

Q: Why are frogs so happy? A: They eat whatever bugs them!

— public joke corpus

Q :whats the best thing about children? A :making them!!

— public joke corpus

X-axis + Y-axis + Z-axis + time = 4 dimensions.

— public joke corpus

**Pick-Up Line Of the Day**Guy goes up to a girl, licks his finger, touches her on the shoulder, and then touches himself (all this while she is watching him) andsays:How about you and I get out of these wet clothes?

— public joke corpus

Knock knock. Who's there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in, it's raining!

— public joke corpus

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

— public joke corpus

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

— public joke corpus

And in a Year I'll be Five.

A man escaped jail by digging a hole from his jail cell to the outside world. When finally his work was done, he emerged in the middle of a preschool playground. "I'm free, I'm free!" he shouted. "So what," said a little girl. "I'm four."

— public joke corpus

This is a fun way to irritate your friends and family on your answering machine! On your answering machine - "Hello?" pause, "What's up?" pause again, "Oh, well you must feel pretty stupid right now because you're talking to my answering machine! So leave a message!" Beep.

— public joke corpus

What key opens no lock? A Turkey!

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A man walks into a bar and throws down a bet. 100 dollars to anyone who can do 100 pushups. A man disappears outside and returns minutes later. "I'll take that bet" the man says, and collapses after 50 pushups. "I don't get it", he says," I just did 150 outside!"

— public joke corpus

A very nervous man, accompanied by his nagging wife, was examined by a doctor. After checking the chart, he nodded and wrote the man a prescription for a powerful tranquilizer. The man asked, "How often do I take these?" "Let's start off with once every six hours. But they're not for you," replied the doctor. "They're for your wife."

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PATIENT: "Doctor can you help me? It's my hearing. I can't even hear myself cough." DOCTOR: "Okay, have this prescription filled." PATIENT: "Oh, will it improve my hearing?" DOCTOR: "No, but it will help you cough better."

— public joke corpus

Team has no "I" in it, but it does have a "M" and "E" in it, making "me".

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One day, 15 year old Christy came home from shopping with her Auntie Kim and Auntie Flo. Christy says to her 6 year old sister, "Auntie Kim has bad taste, but Auntie Flo has good taste." Her sister then says, "How do you know? Have you bitten them before?"

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Confucius say... ~He who value skin does not wash cat

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An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman walk into a bar. The bartender turns to them, takes one look, and says "What is this - some kind of joke?"

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Battle Where a whole lot of white men kill a few Indians. Massacre Where a whole lot of Indians kill a few white men.

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How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant? He forgot to wrap the "Whopper"!!!

— public joke corpus

If you see a robbery at an Apple Store... Does that make you an iWitness?

— public joke corpus