Did you hear about the submarine industry? It really took a dive...
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Every joke I've kept
Surf instead →allone-liners 4222misc 1013animal 458classic 417general 345puns 264children 219at-work 211light-bulbs 191sports 153food 126programming 121money 100knock-knock 91medical 76science 55math 48bar 41music 41tech 40college 26family-parents 18men 18blonde-jokes 15computers 10crazy-jokes 9heaven-and-hell 9business 7deep-thoughts 7military 6one-liner 6women 6holidays 5police-jokes 5bar-jokes 3food-jokes 3idiots 3blind-jokes 2dad 2ethnic-jokes 2farmers 2ocean 2office-jokes 2old-age 2school 2state-jokes 1
What’s 50 Cent’s name in Zimbabwe? 200 Dollars.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear? Boo jeans.
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Buy company, fire them. Beware of machine guns.
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How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
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Why Didn't the Chicken Cross the Road?
Why didn't the chicken cross the road? Because he's "chicken".
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How are false teeth like stars? They come out at night!
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Question: What is brown and sticky? Answer: A stick! Duh.
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"I caught a 250-pound marlin the other day!""That's nothing. I was fishing the other day and hooked a lamp from an old Spanish ship. In fact, the light was still lit!""If you bow out the light, I'll take 200 pounds off the marlin. "
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Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? A: Two, one to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.
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Dear Washington State residents: The recent earthquakes were just a warning. Now that we have your attention, sell us your power, give us back our sunshine, take back your rain and we'll take back our earthquakes. [signed] The People of California
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A lovely young lady named Kim Went down to the river to swim A man in a punt Stuck an oar in her eye And now she has to wear glasses.
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Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.
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Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
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What's the best part about TCP jokes? I get to keep telling them until you get them.
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Why do melons get married in church? - Because they cantaloupe.
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Why do Chickens have no breast? Cause the Rooster has no hands!
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A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $800. The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a doctor!" The plumber waited for him to finish and quietly said, "Neither did I when I was a doctor. "
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Why was the little pointy-eared boy down in the dumps? He had low elf-esteem. Why does Santa Claus come down the chimney on Christmas Eve? Because it soots him.
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"CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it." - Jay Leno
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