Every joke I've kept

Q: What did judge say when the skunk came in the court ? A: Odor in the court.

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The teenage son was having trouble mastering the fine points of balancing his new checking account. "The bank returned the check you wrote to the sporting goods store," his mother said. "Oh good," he replied, "Now I can use it to buy some stereo equipment!"

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November 15, 1996 - PSA was following United, taxiing out for departure. PSA called the tower and said "Tower, this is United 586. We've got a little problem, so go ahead and let PSA go first." The tower promptly cleared PSA for takeoff before United had a chance to object to the impersonation.

— public joke corpus

Nicest Thing About a Nudist Wedding?

What's the nicest thing about a nudist wedding? You don't have to ask - you can see who the best man is.

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Never insult an alligator until after you have crossed the river.

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Amy: Yesterday I saw a man in the mall with very long arms. Every time he went up the stairs he would step on them. Bob: Wow... He stepped on his arms? Amy: No. On the STAIRS!

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Why did the kid walk backwards to school? Because it was back to school day!

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How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie on it.

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Never Have an Eskimo As a Meteorologist

"Tomorrow is a boiling hot day, at 10 degrees Fahrenheit. The day after that is the same temperature, as well as the next and the next. Won't these temperatures ever cool down?"

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"You're hitting the woods well today, pitty you can't stay out of them!"

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1. The water proof towel2. Solar powered flash light3. Sumberrine screen door4. A book on how to read5. Inflatable dart board6. A dictionary index7. Ejector seat in a helicopter8. Powdered water9. Pedel powered wheel chair10. Water proof tea bags

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When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?

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A boy was going to church on Sunday. His mom gave him $40 so that he could put $20 in the offering plate and use $20 to buy anything on the way. On his way to the church he lost the $40, so he went back to look for it. He found $20, then looked up and said, "God, here is mine. Go and look for yours!"

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Yankee Doodle went to town A-riding on his mother Every time he hit a bump He had another brother!

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What is a witch's favorite subject in school? Spelling!

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Meteorologists - People who tell something wrong and still get paid.

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Why don't oysters give to charity? Because they're shellfish.

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Q: Did you hear the joke about the jump rope? A: No, I skipped it!

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what's the difference between here and there? The letter T! :) (Take away the T in there and you've got here!)

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The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.

— public joke corpus