Every joke I've kept

Would a fly that loses its wings be called a walk?

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Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

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What's the difference between a Ford and a golf ball? You can drive a golf ball 200 yards.

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What's the most dangerous insect? The hepatitis bee.

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A rookie pitcher was struggling at the mound, so the catcher walked up to have a talk with him. "I've figured out your problem," he told the young southpaw. "You always lose control at the same point in every game." "When is that?" "Right after the National Anthem."

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Did you hear about the bread factory burning down? They say the business is toast.

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Have you heard the rumor going around about butter? Never mind, I shouldn't spread it.

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A Nurse Dies and Goes to Heaven....

A nurse dies and goes to heaven. She is met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter who asks her questions about her life. Over St. Peter's shoulder the nurse spots a man in a white coat sitting on a cloud with a stethoscope around his neck. "Oh brother!" she cries. "Is that a doctor?" St Peter glances over his shoulder and says, "No, that's God. He just thinks he's a doctor."

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Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant? A: With a blue elephant gun.

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A mother and her child were at a wedding. A little boy looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the girl wear white?" His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life." The boy thinks about this, and then says, "Well then, why is the boy wearing black?"

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To help students remember the word for "wear" in Latin, the professor used the phrase: semper ubi, sub ubi Translation: Always wear under wear.

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Why was Monica Lewinsky in the White House after hours? Clinton was showing her the proper way to take "dic"tation.

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A plane was flying from New York to Canada. The plane crashes right on the border line. Where do you burry the survivors? They don't because they are survivors, therefor they never died.

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Did you hear the one about the guy with the broken hearing aid? Neither did he.

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Mr. Dodgers and the children in the neighbourhood are raking leaves at Mr. Dodger's house. They have three piles of leaves in the back yard, and seven piles of leaves in the front yard. When Mr. Dodgers and the children put all the piles together, how many piles of leaves will they have? JUST ONE BIG PILE!!!

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Do You Wanna Hear a Good Joke?

Me: Do you wanna hear a good joke? Amy: Yes! Me: Me too!

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My pal is addicted to brake fluid - but he says he can stop any time he wants.

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What was 50 Cent's daughter named? Penny!

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There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar. There are more chickens than people in the world. There's no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones Chewable Vitamins.

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Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory? Lack of concentration.

— public joke corpus