Every joke I've kept

Quasimodo goes to his Parisian Cathedral doctor for his annual checkup."I think something is wrong with your back," the doctor says."Why do you say that?" asks Quasimodo."I don't know," the doctor replies. "It's just a hunch."

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When you are young, you want to be the master of your fate and the captain of your soul. When you are older, you will settle for being the master of your weight and the captain of your bowling team.

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Q.Why shouldn't you wear snow boots? A.Because they will melt!

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What is a horse's favourite Shakepearean play? Rodeo and Juliet

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What biscuit does a short person like? Shortbread.

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Q. Why do husbands die before their wives ? A. They want to

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The boss returned from lunch in a good mood and called the whole staff in to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up. Everybody, except one girl, laughed uproariously. "What's the matter?" grumbled the boss. "Haven't you got a sense of humor?" "I don't have to laugh," she replied. "I'm leaving Friday."

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Two guys are eating a hamburger at a fast food place. 1st Guy- Does your hamburger taste funny? 2nd Guy- No just yours. Mine doesn't have a sense of humor.

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What's the hardest part of skydiving? The ground!

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What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? A bad golfer goes whack, dang. A bad skydiver goes dang, whack.

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One day a man came home from work and he was greeted by his wife. She told that she has good news and that she had bad news. He said "Well, give me the good news first." She said "The good news is that the air bag works."

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know To get the Chinese newspaper Get it? No Neither do I. I get USA Today

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The best way to end a war is to surrender.

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Who's Bigger? Mr. Bigger or Mr. Bigger's baby? His baby cause he is a little Bigger.

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The landlady asked me if I minded making my own bed. I said I didn't and she said great there's a hammer and nails in the corner.

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"Mr. Clark, I'm afraid I have bad news," the doctor told his anxious patient. "You only have six months to live." The man sat in stunned silence for the next several minutes. Regaining his composure, he apologetically told his physician that he had no medical insurance. "I can't possibly pay you in that time." "Okay," the doctor said, "let's make it nine months."

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My mouth has turned into a flower bed. It has tulips.

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Three blind mice walk into a bar, but they are unaware of their surroundings so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.

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IRS... we've got what it takes, to take what you've got

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Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

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