A student said to Professor Stigler: "Professor Stigler, I don't believe I deserve this F you've given me." To which Stigler replied, "I agree, but unfortunately it is the lowest grade the University will allow me to award."
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Every joke I've kept
Surf instead →allone-liners 4222misc 1013animal 458classic 417general 345puns 264children 219at-work 211light-bulbs 191sports 153food 126programming 121money 100knock-knock 91medical 76science 55math 48bar 41music 41tech 40college 26family-parents 18men 18blonde-jokes 15computers 10crazy-jokes 9heaven-and-hell 9business 7deep-thoughts 7military 6one-liner 6women 6holidays 5police-jokes 5bar-jokes 3food-jokes 3idiots 3blind-jokes 2dad 2ethnic-jokes 2farmers 2ocean 2office-jokes 2old-age 2school 2state-jokes 1
Q.Where do tough chickens come from? A.Hard boiled eggs!
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How good are you at Power Point? I Excel at it.
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What did the beaver say to the tree? It's been nice gnawing you.
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At a friend's wedding, everything went smoothly, until it was time for the flower girl and her young escort to come down the aisle. The boy stopped at every pew, growling at the guests. When asked afterward, why he behaved so badly, he explained, "I was just trying to be a good ring bear."
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Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? A: How many can you afford? A: It only takes one to change your bulb...to his. A: Lawyers don't change bulbs. Now if you're looking for someone to really screw a bulb...
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What did the chef name his son? Stu
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Why did Dracula lie in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
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In a recent review, The Weird Gamers rated popular game, Grand Theft Auto IV 3.14 out of 10. They said it was pirated.
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Is one Nobel Prize so much to ask from a child after all I've done?
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There are 10 types of people in this world... Those who understand binary and those who don't
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An agriculture student said to a farmer: "Your methods are too old-fashioned. I wouldn't be surprised if this tree gave you less than twenty pounds of apples." "Wouldn't surprise me, either," said the farmer, "this is an orange tree."
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How do you keep a Rhino from charging? Take away its credit card.
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Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The p is silent.
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Q: How many colorguard girls does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Five, one to call the colorguard forward and four to take it down with a ceremony.
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If corn oil is made from corn and vegetable oil is made from vegetables. What is baby oil made from?
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A Shepherd, a Wolf, and a Flock
As a shepherd you herd your sheep into your barn. As you walk away you hear two wolves in the barn. What do you do? I would get the flock out of there!
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What do you call a bear who's into gardening? A Hairy Potter!
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What’s the difference between an African elephant and an Indian elephant? About 5000 miles.
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A farmer and his son live on a farm in the middle of Nowhere, USA. One day the farmboy says to his father, "I'm bored." His father replies, "What are you talking about? Farm life is great!" He then adds, "However, I will admit, it is a little slow though. Nothing much to do except count the bricks in the silo." To this the boy says, "11,827."
— public joke corpus