Every joke I've kept

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity... It's impossible to put down

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Q: Why did the rooster cross the road? A: To prove he wasn't chicken. Q: Why did the pencil cross the road? A: It was lead.

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Don't look at the eclipse through a colander. You'll strain your eyes.

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What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds!

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how many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 2, but I don't know how they got in there!

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Q. Why would Snow White be a good judge? A.Because she's the fairest in the land.

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The counselor at the "magnet" school called a boy (Myrddin) into his office before school started."Myrddin, I have some good news and some bad news to relate to you this morning. We've just reviewed all of your personality tests and I'm afraid you have definite homosexual tendencies. And now the good news -- I think you're cute as heck!"

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I almost got fired for telling this joke at work: Do you know why fireman have bigger balls than policeman? They sell more tickets!

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what do you do with a dog with no legs? Take him for a spin!

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Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school? He was caught buttering up his teacher

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Remember, whenever someone says that you're nobody, remember nobody's perfect.

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What key opens no lock? A Monkey!

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I went to a wedding the other day. Two antennas were getting married. It wasn't much of a wedding ceremony, but it was one heck of a reception!

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I was walking around in the movies with my friends and we saw this one teenager. His pants were falling down, so I said to my friends, "God, these kids nowadays! I thought a rapper died and the kid decided to put his pants half-staff!"

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Q. What do you call Asians swimming in a pool? A. Cornflakes

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Why does a Moon-rock taste better than an Earth-rock? Because it's a little meteor.

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My 12-year-old sister was filling out an application form for a foreign language course. Suddenly she stopped, a small frown on her forehead. A moment later, she wrote something down. Glancing over her shoulder, I saw that the question she had paused at was: "Mother tongue." On the blank space beside it she had written, "Pink."

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Why did the rooster cross the road? He heard that the chickens at KFC were pretty hot.

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When my three-year-old son opened a birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink. I was not so pleased. I turned to Mom and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?" Mom smiled and then replied....."I remember."

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Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!

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