Once there was a girl at a restaurant and ordered anything in a saucer. The waiter was walking to her table when the girl tripped him. The waiter said "Why did you trip me?" And the girl, without the least of the waiter's worries simply said "I wanted to see a flying saucer!"
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A couple of weeks ago the clouds over western Washington were moving to the west. Normally they head east, inland over the mountains to central Washington and beyond. Scientists blamed the switch on mad cloud disease.
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Knock Knock. Who's there? Are you, Are you who? Are you going to let me in or not?
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Q: How do you know there are three elephants in your refrigerator? A: You can't close the door.
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There is a very simple way to explain the theory of mind over matter. Once you lose you mind, nothing matters.
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A computer teacher who doesn't speak good english tells his student "Paul open the window let the Air Force Come." At another time the same teacher and his wife sees one of his students in mall. The next day the teacher says to the student "Tim, yesterday I saw you with my wife at the mall."
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One of the fringe benefits of being an English or History teacher is receiving the occasional jewel of a student blooper in an essay. I have pasted together the following "history" of the world from certifiably genuine student bloopers collected by teachers throughout the United States, from eighth grade through college level. Read carefully, and you will learn a lot.
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The only person in our town who can afford to go on a jaguar is a zoo-keeper.
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What do you call two barracuda fish? A Pairacuda!
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To find the inverse of a function, you reverse the process. To find the inverse of putting on your socks and shoes, how do you start? Socks first!
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Q: How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb? A: Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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How does a dyslexic poet write? Inverse.
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What do you call a short psychic on the lam? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A small medium at large!
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You never know someone until you walk a mile in their shoes. But if you walked a mile in their shoes wouldn't their feet get cold?
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Q: How many actors does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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Man: "How's your history paper coming?" Woman: "Well, my history professor suggested that I use the Internet for research, and it's been very helpful." Man: "Really?" Woman: "Yes! I've already located 17 people who sell them!"
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A fact of life: After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F
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One to his friend: "My little brother started walking last week!" The other friend: "Where did he go? He should be kilometers away!"
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In any organization there is one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.
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Q: Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? A: They all have phones.
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