How did two oceans or seas become friends? Because they kept waving at each other.
— onelinefun.com
Every joke I've kept
Surf instead →allone-liners 4222misc 1013animal 458classic 417general 345puns 264children 219at-work 211light-bulbs 191sports 153food 126programming 121money 100knock-knock 91medical 76science 55math 48bar 41music 41tech 40college 26family-parents 18men 18blonde-jokes 15computers 10crazy-jokes 9heaven-and-hell 9business 7deep-thoughts 7military 6one-liner 6women 6holidays 5police-jokes 5bar-jokes 3food-jokes 3idiots 3blind-jokes 2dad 2ethnic-jokes 2farmers 2ocean 2office-jokes 2old-age 2school 2state-jokes 1
How does a cup steal from you? He mugs you.
— onelinefun.com
If you can stay calm while all around you is chaos, then you probably haven't completely understood the situation.
— onelinefun.com
The other day I was singing in the shower, and I got soap in my mouth. Guess what happened then? It became a soap opera.
— onelinefun.com
Drink coffee! Do stupid things faster with more energy!
— onelinefun.com
I finally got eight hours sleep. Took me four days but whatever.
— onelinefun.com
When I go jogging, I listen to a portable CD player, so people think I've been running for 10 years.
— onelinefun.com
Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
— onelinefun.com
It's officially New Year's Eve, you only have a couple of hours to do all the things you will resolve not to do in the new year.
— onelinefun.com
Work is for people who don't know how to fish.
— onelinefun.com
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen."
— onelinefun.com
People are lot less judgy when you say you ate an 'avocado salad' instead of a bowl of guacamole.
— onelinefun.com
Your secrets are safe with me because I literally won't remember them. This also applies to your birthday. Your birthdays are safe with me.
— onelinefun.com
My mind's made up, don't confuse me with facts.
— onelinefun.com
I've always had an irrational fear of speed bumps. But I'm slowly getting over it.
— onelinefun.com
Dentist: "You need a crown." Patient: "Finally someone who understands me"
— onelinefun.com
If winning isn't everything why do they keep score?
— onelinefun.com
They told me I had type A blood, but it was Type O.
— onelinefun.com
I know Jiu-Jitsu, Sambo, Judo, Aikido and lots of other scary words.
— onelinefun.com
I often confuse reptiles and amphibians. Actually, if I'm being brutally honest, they pretty much never know what I'm talking about.
— onelinefun.com