Every joke I've kept

It is said that "it is always in the last place you look" Well of course! Are there some people out there who keep looking after they find it?

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A fortune teller escaped from prison and became a small medium at large.

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A man walk up to a woman in his office and tells her that her hair smells nice.The woman imediately goes to her supervisor's office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit and proceeds to explain why.The suervisor is puzzled by this time and says, "What's wrong with your co-worker complimenting on ow your hair smells?"The woman replies."He's a midget"

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Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button

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A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter -- haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

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I hear some rich guy wants to build a tavern at the top of Mount Everest. Talk about raising the bar high!

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What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud.

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My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.

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What do you call a guy with no arms or legs floating in the ocean? Bob!

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Natrium chloride = table salt. "Natrium", from which the symbol "Na" derives, is the German word of "sodium".

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Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ....what? A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

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An Irish man walks out of a bar..............Hey, It could happen

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What do you call a belt made out of watches? A waist of time.

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Where does Napoleon keep his armies? In his sleevies.

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Why was the fish expelled from school? He was caught with seaweed!

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Teacher: Billy why are you late? Billy: Because the sign said "Children Slow"

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All things are possible - except skiing through a revolving door.

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A woman and her little girl were visitng the grave of the little girl's grandmother.On their way through the cemetary back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?""Of course not, dear." replied the mother, "Why would you think that?""The tombstone back there said 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"

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Why is it hard for dalmatians to play hide-and-seek? Because they're always spotted!

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A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!" he cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time with the same voice came over the line. "Never mind," he said with a hiccup, "I got in the back seat by mistake."

— public joke corpus