Every joke I've kept

How many ADHD kids does it take to change a lightbulb? It takes twenty se- hey, this is in the wrong category!

— public joke corpus

A father was at the beach with his children when his four-year-old daughter ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand. "Daddy, what happened to him?" the daughter asked. "He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied. The little girl thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"

— public joke corpus

Q: Why could Long John Silver never find an aspirin? A: 'Cause his parrots ate them all.

— public joke corpus

Q: What would you do w/out your memories ? A: Forget

— public joke corpus

Why was the broom tired? It over swept.

— public joke corpus

If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside? K9P.

— public joke corpus

Before he left on a business trip, the father took his young son aside. "Terence, I'm trusting you to take care of the family while I'm gone. You're going to be the man of the house." Comprehending the gravity of the situation, Terence replied soberly, "In that case, I'm gonna need the remote."

— public joke corpus

There were these two cows, chatting over the fence between their fields. The first cow said, "I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm." The other cow replies, "Hell, I ain't worried, it don't affect us ducks."

— public joke corpus

Due to complaints, Hawaii passed a law where you're not allowed to laugh above a certain decibel. You can only use a low ha.

— public joke corpus

In a recent survey, 60 percent of respondents said the cities they live in are noisier now than they were five years ago. The other 40 percent didn't hear the question.

— public joke corpus

What did the lollipop say to the popsicle? 'Cool, dude!'

— public joke corpus

A gladiator was having a rough day at the arena-his opponent had sliced off both of his arms. Nevertheless, he fought on, kicking and biting as furiously as he could. But when his opponent lopped off both feet, the gladiator had no choice but to give up. He was now both unarmed and defeated.

— public joke corpus

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness and today is the happiest day of her life." Her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple. The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So, why is the groom wearing black?"

— public joke corpus

Blessed is he who expects no gratitude, for he shall not be disappointed.

— public joke corpus

Using proper punctuation, grammar, and spacing is highly recommended because it makes your jokes readable and understandable. If people are having a hard time understanding your jokes, they will be rated poorly and your score will suffer because of it.

— public joke corpus

A little girl came to a pregnent lady, and while pointing to her stomach asked : "What's that?"The lady proudly replied: "That's my little baby and I love him very much!"The little girl then said: "If you love him that much, then why the hell did you eat him?"

— public joke corpus

What did the judge say to the dentist? Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?

— public joke corpus

Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.

— public joke corpus

Q: How many nihilists does it take to change a light bulb? A: There is nothing to change.

— public joke corpus

What's the definition of Endless Love? Stevie Wonder playing Ray Charles at Tennis! Endless Love!

— public joke corpus