Every joke I've kept

The other day, I heard that a good friend of mine was outside during a thunderstorm and got struck by lightning. I was a bit shocked, but not as much as he was.

— public joke corpus

Two guys are in the woods camping out when a bear attacks them. While the bear sniffs around the food, the first guy starts lacing up his sneakers. The second guys goes, "Are you crazy? You can't outrun a bear!" The first guy replies, "I dont need to; I only have to outrun you."

— public joke corpus

Fill in the blank: The one who says it cannot be done should never _________ the one who is doing it. Interrupt.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Sue. Sue who? I'll sue you if ya don't let me in!

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I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but i can't get my wife to go swimming!

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Why don't you find hippopotamuses hiding in trees? They're really good at it.

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An Irishman, a Scotsman, and an American walk into a bar. The beginning of a cheesy joke? You betcha.

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Did you hear that David lost his ID in prague? Now we just have to call him Dav.

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Knock,knock! Who's there? King! King who? King Kong is now part of China.

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1) Umm... 2) Well... 3) Hmmm, er... 4)

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Homework... something you go to school hours for and not do.

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How do you get pikachu on a bus? You pokemon.

— public joke corpus

Two guys are walking down the street when a mugger approaches them and demands their money. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash. Just then one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill. "Here's that $20 I owe you," he says.

— public joke corpus

Why Did the Chicken...?

Why did the chicken do a poo right in front of a hole on a really busy footpath? Because he wanted people to slip on the poo and fall in the hole.

— public joke corpus

A biologist, a psychologist, and a mathematician were sitting in a bar drinking coffee.Across the street, they watch as 2 people walk into the house, and then 3 people come out."They must have reproduced!" cries the biologist."It can't be physically done!" cries the psychologist."You guys are both wrong" says the mathematician. "Now there are negative one person in the house.

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Can You Decipher This Phrase? R R A Y Y X-ray!

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I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, "Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west."

— public joke corpus

"Mr. Quinn, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife $775 a week.""That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."

— public joke corpus

What do you give a sick pig? Oinkment.

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Remember the Golden Rule He who has the gold makes the rules.

— public joke corpus