Every joke I've kept

Wat is die toppunt van geraas? 2 geraamtes wat woellig spyker op n sinkdak met n coke blikkie as n kondoom!

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How do you make the number 1 disappear? Add a "g" to it and it's "gone"

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Why were the police at the baseball game? Because someone stole second base!

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I got a new dog last week. She's a black lab and border collie mix, and still a puppy. I take her with me everywhere I go. But when I took her to the vet to get her shots, they told me I had to put her down. I've only had this dog for a week. Seven days. I wanted to keep holding her.

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Ever wonder why bottled water costs so much when there is so much of it? Spell "evian" backwards.....

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And then there was the glass-blower who got hiccups and made 764 marbles.

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What do soccer players drink? Penaltea!

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Q. How do lesbians handle their liquor? A. By the ears. (Lick her)

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When does running mean walking? When you're running out of gas!

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Q: How was copper wire invented?A: Two lawyers were arguing over a penny.

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"How was your blind date?" a college student asked her room-mate. "Terrible!" the room-mate answered. "He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce." "Wow! That's a very expensive car. What's so bad about that?" "He was the original owner!"

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Q: Where are the brave French soldiers buried? A: There aren't any so they had to bury some of ours on their soil.

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Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Johnny looked up and replied, "Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."

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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back? A stick.

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Two men held up a bank.They cleaned out the cash drawers and then herded the tellers and clerks into the vault.They were getting ready to make their getaway when one of the tellers whispered, "Hey, buddy, would you do me a favor?"One of the robbers said, "What's on your mind, pal?""Would you mind taking the books, too?I'm five thousand short."

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Why don't eggs tell jokes? Because they would crack each other up.

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A daddy was listening to his child say his prayer "Dear Harold." At this, dad interrupted and said, "Wait a minute, why did you call God 'Harold'?" The little boy looked up and said, "That's what they call Him in church. You know the prayer we say, "Our Father, who art in Heaven, Harold be Thy name..."

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How many boy scouts does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Three- Each to do one good turn daily.

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Want to hear a backwards joke? ekoj

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If you can touch it and you can see it, it's REAL. If you can touch it but you can't see it, it's TRANSPARENT. If you can't touch it but you can see it, it's VIRTUAL. If you can't touch it and you can't see it, it's GONE.

— public joke corpus