Sign seen on a maternity-ward door: Push! Push! Push!
— public joke corpus
Every joke I've kept
Surf instead →allone-liners 4222misc 1013animal 458classic 417general 345puns 264children 219at-work 211light-bulbs 191sports 153food 126programming 121money 100knock-knock 91medical 76science 55math 48bar 41music 41tech 40college 26family-parents 18men 18blonde-jokes 15computers 10crazy-jokes 9heaven-and-hell 9business 7deep-thoughts 7military 6one-liner 6women 6holidays 5police-jokes 5bar-jokes 3food-jokes 3idiots 3blind-jokes 2dad 2ethnic-jokes 2farmers 2ocean 2office-jokes 2old-age 2school 2state-jokes 1
Boy(howling): A crab just bit my toe! Father: Which one? Boy: How should I know?!?!?! All crabs look alike to me!!
— public joke corpus
Teacher: Jimmy! Count from one all the way to ten! Jimmy: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10. Teacher: Good, now what comes after that? Jimmy:Jack, queen and king!
— public joke corpus
Why don't lobsters share? They're shellfish.
— public joke corpus
Q: What does a fish use to get high? A: Seaweed!
— public joke corpus
If it weren't for electricity, we'd all be watching television by candlelight. - George Gobel
— public joke corpus
If you ask a Bears fan what his or her two favorite teams are they would be: - The Bears - And whoever the Green Bay Packers are playing.
— public joke corpus
DOS: Defective Operating System.WINDOWS: Will Install Needless Data On Whole System.MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realise Our Software Only Falls Teenagers.ISDN: It Still Does Nothing.MACINTOSH: Machine Always Crashes. If Not, The Operating System Hangs
— public joke corpus
One day my wife was changing my daughter's diaper, and my 3 year old son walked in and saw her and asked, "Mommy, where is her thingy?" I almost had a heart attack, laughing so hard that day.
— public joke corpus
What kind of cheese is not yours? Nacho cheese
— public joke corpus
A little girl was sat in science, when she wet herself. She goes to her teacher and says "I've wet myself". The teacher asks "Why didn't you put your hand up?" She replies "I did, but it just ran down my hand!"
— public joke corpus
Q: What's a cannibal? A: Ç×doÇd É¥ÊÄ±Ê dn pÇÉ s,oÉ¥Ê uosÉ1Çd É
— public joke corpus
Two sausages were in a pan.One sausage turns to the other and says, "Man, Its getting hot in here."The other sausage screams and says, "AH! A talking sausage!!"
— public joke corpus
Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
— public joke corpus
How many roaches does it take to screw in a lightbulb? You'll never know because when you turn on the light, they scatter!
— public joke corpus
Q. What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild? A. Money.
— public joke corpus
What is the least spoken language in the world? Sign Language
— public joke corpus
Old photographers never die, they just go out of focus!
— public joke corpus
A Wocka user has average joke comedy 2.5, but he doesn't get the smiley. Why can it happen? Because his average joke comedy is between 2.495 and 2.5, which is rounded up to 2.5.
— public joke corpus
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars, and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint, and he has to touch it.
— public joke corpus