Jenny: How did the turtle cross the freeway? Forrest: I don't know. Jenny: Take the 'r' out of 'free'. Now, take the 'f' out of 'way'. Forrest: There's no 'f' in way!
— public joke corpus
Every joke I've kept
Surf instead →allone-liners 4222misc 1013animal 458classic 417general 345puns 264children 219at-work 211light-bulbs 191sports 153food 126programming 121money 100knock-knock 91medical 76science 55math 48bar 41music 41tech 40college 26family-parents 18men 18blonde-jokes 15computers 10crazy-jokes 9heaven-and-hell 9business 7deep-thoughts 7military 6one-liner 6women 6holidays 5police-jokes 5bar-jokes 3food-jokes 3idiots 3blind-jokes 2dad 2ethnic-jokes 2farmers 2ocean 2office-jokes 2old-age 2school 2state-jokes 1
How do you organize a space party? You planet.
— public joke corpus
Two guys walked into a bar... you would have thought the second one would have ducked.
— public joke corpus
When a man wants to believe something, it doesn't take much to convince him.
— public joke corpus
Question: Who am I if I have 73 eyes, 4 noses, 8 heads, 139 arms, 78 legs and 100, 000, 000 lips? Answer: A liar.
— public joke corpus
If only DEAD people understand hexadecimal, how many people understand hexadecimal? 57005.
— public joke corpus
A mother complained to a doctor about her daughter's strange eating habits. "All day long she lies in bed and eats yeast and car wax. What will happen to her?" "Don't worry," said the doctor. "Eventually, she'll rise and shine.
— public joke corpus
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A licalottapus!
— public joke corpus
What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved
— public joke corpus
Isn't it fascinating how feet smell and noses run?
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There once was an X from place B, That satisfied predicate P, He or she did thing A, In an adjective way, Resulting in circumstance C.
— public joke corpus
A 6 year old was in a car with her parents. She kept having sneezing fits, and she kept splattering snot all over the seats. Eventually, the Mum and Dad gave up on trying to stop the sneezing, and told the little girl to put her hands up when she sneezed. The little girl did so, raising her hands above her head, and sneezed on the Mum's face!!
— public joke corpus
If two's a company and three's a crowd... what's four and five? NINE!!!!
— public joke corpus
And the beast shall come forth surrounded by a roiling cloud of vengeance. The house of the unbelievers shall be razed and they shall be scorched to the earth. Their tags shall blink until the end of days.
— public joke corpus
Q: Did you hear about the new French tanks? A: They have 5 gears...4 in reverse, and one forward gear just in case they're attacked from behind!
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What is represented by this? STEPPETSPETS One step forward, two steps back!
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The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
— public joke corpus
Why is it that every time we blow our noses, we look inside the tissue afterwards? Are we expecting something other than boogers? Or are we checking to make sure they have not run off?
— public joke corpus
"Mom! Deaf kids at school are making fun of me." "What did they say?"
— public joke corpus
What's the difference between a leg and an egg? You can beat an egg up, but you can't beat a leg up!
— public joke corpus