Every joke I've kept

Did you know that 18 out of 10 people don't understand fractions?

— public joke corpus

If you help a friend in need, he is sure to remember you -the next time he's in need.

— public joke corpus

How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.

— public joke corpus

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

— public joke corpus

What do you call a dog without legs? It doesn't matter - he won't come, anyway.

— public joke corpus

What's black and white and read all over? The newspaper.

— public joke corpus

How many elves does it take to change a light bulb? Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to give him a boost.

— public joke corpus

A test-tube baby has a womb with a view.

— public joke corpus

Once,there was a teacher and a girl named Wendy.The teacher asked for Wendy to say a sentence starting with the word I. So wendy started to say I is....Then the teacher said, "No Wendy, it is I am." So Wendy said, "I am the ninth letter if the alphabet."

— public joke corpus

Matt's dad picked him up from school one afternoon. Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted today, he asked his son if he got a part. Matt enthusiastically announced that he'd gotten a part. "I play a man who's been married for twenty years." "That's great, son. Keep up the good work and before you know it they'll be giving you a speaking part."

— public joke corpus

How Many Wizards Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb?

How many wizards does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Wizards don't use lightbulbs!

— public joke corpus

How many ventriloquists does it take to change a light bulb? Two - one to change the light bulb, and one to holg ge gottong og ge lagger.

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If your father is a poor man, it's your fate. But, if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity.

— public joke corpus

Teacher: Name an animal that lives in the tundra. Pupil:A reindeer. Teacher: Good, now name another one. Pupil: Another reindeer.

— public joke corpus

When was the price of milk the highest? When the cow jumped over the moon.

— public joke corpus

When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.

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Once i bought a squirrel and I named it Melinda, and then I gave it food and then it died! Now I have a box named Joice Ann and I gave it some water and it fell down and then it died!

— public joke corpus

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that.

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A professor giving a talk to a multinational audience tells a joke about the Germans. Someone at the back of the hall jumps up and protests angrily: "I'm German!" "OK", says the speaker "I'll say it again - slowly".

— public joke corpus

I put a blank tape in my TV and turned the volume all the way up. The mime next door went crazy and called the cops.

— public joke corpus