Every joke I've kept

Apple should make a sarcasm font and call it the iRoll.

— onelinefun.com

I eat the broken cookies first because I feel bad for them.

— onelinefun.com

My bed wasn't feeling well this morning, so I had to stay home to take care of it.

— onelinefun.com

Why do people litter? Because they dont take the litter signs litterally.

— onelinefun.com

I'm gonna spend Valentine 's Day with my ex... Box 360.

— onelinefun.com

If money really did grow on trees, what would be everyone's favorite season? Fall.

— onelinefun.com

Why do people become butchers? So they can meat people.

— onelinefun.com

Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.

— onelinefun.com

The word 'possesses', possesses so many s's, that any one can't assess it without knowing 's', I guess !

— onelinefun.com

If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts.

— onelinefun.com

This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lighting.

— onelinefun.com

The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

— onelinefun.com

See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.

— onelinefun.com

You know youre fifty when your chiropractor sends you birthday cards.

— onelinefun.com

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Finland. Now Santa Claus is missing.

— onelinefun.com

What is the difference between a unicorn and a carrot? One is a funny beast and the other is a bunny feast.

— onelinefun.com

What did the dog say when he rubbed sandpaper on his tail? Rough, rough!

— onelinefun.com

What do you call a horse who expresses negative views? A Naysayer.

— onelinefun.com

The hotel has a live band and my favourite song is "We're going for a break now, we'll be back later".

— onelinefun.com

The story was really great. That's why I was closing my eyes the whole time trying to imagine it.

— onelinefun.com