When I found out that my toaster wasn't waterproof, I was shocked.
— onelinefun.com
Every joke I've kept
Surf instead →allone-liners 4222misc 1013animal 458classic 417general 345puns 264children 219at-work 211light-bulbs 191sports 153food 126programming 121money 100knock-knock 91medical 76science 55math 48bar 41music 41tech 40college 26family-parents 18men 18blonde-jokes 15computers 10crazy-jokes 9heaven-and-hell 9business 7deep-thoughts 7military 6one-liner 6women 6holidays 5police-jokes 5bar-jokes 3food-jokes 3idiots 3blind-jokes 2dad 2ethnic-jokes 2farmers 2ocean 2office-jokes 2old-age 2school 2state-jokes 1
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
— onelinefun.com
Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
— onelinefun.com
Writing a horror screenplay. It starts off with a ringing phone. The person answers, and it's their mum saying "I have a computer question."
— onelinefun.com
A book just fell on my head. I've only got myshelf to blame.
— onelinefun.com
Walking my dog we saw a guy in a suit walking his dog and I know my dog is thinking I don't dress nice for him anymore.
— onelinefun.com
My best mates and I played a game of hiding and seek. It went on for hours... Well, good friends are hard to find.
— onelinefun.com
One day you're the best thing since sliced bread. The next, you're toast.
— onelinefun.com
Take my advice — I'm not using it.
— onelinefun.com
I would like to thank everybody that stuck by my side for those five long minutes my house didn't have internet.
— onelinefun.com
My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. He was right—I feel ten years older already.
— onelinefun.com
Let me make this simple, I want to be invited but I don't want to go.
— onelinefun.com
Sometimes, when I am matching socks, I think, "What if these two socks don't even like each other?"
— onelinefun.com
My boss says I intimidate the other employees, so I just stared at him until he apologized.
— onelinefun.com
A wise man once said... Nothing, he only listened.
— onelinefun.com
I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV.
— onelinefun.com
Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.
— onelinefun.com
I would give my dad what he really wants on Father's Day, but I can't afford to move out yet.
— onelinefun.com
Before having a kid the most important thing to ask yourself is "Am I ready to watch the exact same cartoon on repeat for the next 4 years?"
— onelinefun.com
You're old enough to remember when emojis were called "hieroglyphics."
— onelinefun.com