I had four cappuccinos at one time. I was bouncing off the walls. Good thing they were padded.
— public joke corpus
Every joke I've kept
Surf instead →allmisc 970one-liners 644classic 417general 345animal 309puns 270children 220light-bulbs 191knock-knock 91at-work 63medical 61programming 59sports 49bar 45tech 42college 28blonde-jokes 23men 19family-parents 18computers 15women 15heaven-and-hell 11crazy-jokes 9business 8deep-thoughts 8military 8holidays 7science 7one-liner 6police-jokes 6money 5school 4bar-jokes 3food-jokes 3idiots 3ocean 3blind-jokes 2dad 2ethnic-jokes 2farmers 2math 2music 2office-jokes 2old-age 2state-jokes 1
Why was everyone at the fancy King Crab Night Diner arrested? They were breaking the claw! So punny!
— public joke corpus
What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
— public joke corpus
Did you hear about the fight at the seafood grill last night? (no) Well, the fish got battered!!
— public joke corpus
Vice Presidents and personnel directors of the one hundred largest corporations were asked to describe their most unusual experience interviewing prospective employees.
— public joke corpus
Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up? Because DEC 25 = OCT 31
— public joke corpus
What is a tornado's favorite game to play? Twister!
— public joke corpus
It was graduation day and Mom was trying to take a picture of their son in a cap and gown, posed with his father."Let's try to make this look natural," she said. "Junior, put your arm around your dad's shoulder."The father answered, "If you want it to look natural, why not have him put his hand in my pocket?"
— public joke corpus
Your so boring, if you threw a boomerang, it wouldn't come back to you.
— public joke corpus
The folks at American Greetings have compiled a list of lines to use when signing you valentine.... depending on your personality.
— public joke corpus
How do you steal a coat? You jacket.
— public joke corpus
How can you tell if a mathematician is an extrovert? He looks at *your* shoes when he talks to you.
— public joke corpus
On the first day of her vacation, a woman fell and broke her leg. As the doctor examined her, she moaned, "Why couldn't this have happened on my last day of skiing?" He looked up. "This IS your last day of skiing."
— public joke corpus
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
— public joke corpus
Do I enjoy making courthouse puns? Guilty
— public joke corpus
Laughter is like changing a baby's diaper... It doesn't permanently solve any problems, but it makes things more acceptable for a while!
— public joke corpus
Two friends, who haven't met for a couple of years, are catching up with each other's news. One says, "And then the doctor said he'd have me back on my feet in a fortnight!" His pal says, "Well, did he?" "He sure did, I had to sell my car to pay him!"
— public joke corpus
Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers. - Socrates (470 - 399 BC)
— public joke corpus
What's Samurai Jack's favorite fish? Swordfish
— public joke corpus
I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.
— public joke corpus