Every joke I've kept

How Many Men? (a Variation)

How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: One, men will screw anything.

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An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."

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Why do mathematicians like national parks? Because of the natural logs.

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Once there was a mom and a dad , they had a daughter called Angelica. So the dad was very thirsty because he had been driving a lot, so he asked his daughter "sweetheart can I have some of your juice?" She answers "daddy no drinking and driving, that's what the law says!!!"

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"I finally got my boss to laugh," said one friend to another after work. "Oh, how?" "I asked for a raise!"

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You've probably heard: If at first you don't succeed, lower your standards. New Version: If at first you get hit below the belt, lower your belt!

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Girl, "Oh, Superman I love you so much!" Superman,"I don't blame you."

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If you find you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow -- even during a hurricane! -- here is a valuable tip: Your life is in trouble.

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Here's a stupid warning label: If you look at a fire extinguisher, it will say "Non-flamable"

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How many cops does it take to throw a man down the stairs? None. He fell.

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How many nerds does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One to be the cunsultant. One to be the labor manager. Two to hire people. Four to actually screw in the lightbulb. Five to be the ladder and ten to be the company board of directors.

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The Lazy Bowl Reclining toilet: It's plush while you flush!

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Can you decipher this phrase? KCAB KCAB Back to back: [i.e. two back(s) - written back(wards)]

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If Six is afraid of Seven because Seven ate (Eight) Nine, why did Six soon die? Because Six, Seven ate (Eight) (678)

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How does a scientist freshen their breath? With experi-mints!

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What is the best thing about dating a homeless woman? You can drop her off anywhere.

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A father, angry at his son for not doing well at school tells him, "At your age, George Washington was the best student in his class." "Yeah dad..." replies the kid..."and at yours, he was the President of the United States!"

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Q: How many publishers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Three. One to screw it in and two more to hold down the editor.

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Q: How many Polacks does it take to change a light bulb? A: Just one, but you need 6000 Russian troops in case he goes on strike!

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I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know me here.

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